


Only You

by ionlyreadgayfanfictionsorry



Series: We Made It [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending?, M/M, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, mentions of torture possibly, stucky ofc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28751448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ionlyreadgayfanfictionsorry/pseuds/ionlyreadgayfanfictionsorry
Summary: {book 3 of "We Made It" series, takes place revolving around the plot of Captain America: The Winter Soldier.}Jemma Barnes and her brother, Bucky, have been sent on a very important two mission. Kill their two targets and move on. Despite their accomplishments of being assassins, they face some problems during this mission. What happens when one boy is able to break through their mind barrier and fix them?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: We Made It [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101971
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey! thanks for checking this out! i personally loved writing this one, and let me know what you think!

"  
i stopped looking for you,  
my heart just gave up hope,  
you know?

it stopped hoping for you,  
but  
it could never stop missing you.  
"

This series belongs to me. I follow some dialogue and plot from the Marvel movies, and I use their characters, but I modify it for my own purposes. This is for entertainment only, and I acknowledge that these stories belong to their creators.

Jemma Barnes is Bucky Barnes' twin sister. Following the last book's events of returning back to Hydra's power, she once again loses her memory. A new mission for her and her brother sparks some flashbacks into the Barnes' minds. Because of this, their lives change. Steve Rogers is their old best friend, but he's the only one that remembers that. Because of his deep feelings for the Barnes boy, he is able to break through his mind barrier.  
This will affect both his mind... and heart.


	2. Bucky

We sat in front of the furnace, huddled together. The fire was hot, but we were still freezing. "Are you two warm enough yet?" I heard a male laugh lightly, making me turn. Jerome.

I jumped up, hugging him. "Hi."

"Hey." He looked toward James, who looked away.

There was something in his eyes. Was it jealousy? Why? I looked up at Jerome, but his face remained blank. I looked back at James. "You alright?"

He didn't respond, just stared at the fire.

"Time to go." A guard arrived, gun in hand.

I led the way, pretending to be confident. I hated missions. I hated pretending to be emotionless, to never have any memories. I hated it all, which is why I was thankful for James and Jerome.

We arrived at the open doors to the new boss. He had dark eyes and dark hair, which was slicked back. "Welcome, soldiers. Doctor."

I reached for Jerome's hand, so he wrapped his pinkie around mine. "What's our mission?" I blurted out.

James stared at the wall, "Sir."

A video started playing on the wall behind him. Someone in a tight blue suit was punching robots. A sense of recognition flashed through me, but I had no clue who it was. Besides, he was wearing a mask. He fought with a shield, and he definitely had muscle. He looked confident, determined.

I looked to Bucky without really knowing why. He was staring at the screen and looked confused. Did he recognize this man, too? "Is he our mission?'

"Yes. And these two."

A girl with red hair flipped over a car as she pulled a knife. Our ballerina?

How did I know that?

The video switched to a dark-skinned man with an eye patch. He looked intimidating, but not like he could really hurt us.

"So, do we..." Jerome trailed off.

"Kill them?"

"Do whatever it takes," he shrugged. "Give them their outfits and send them on their way," he waved his hand.

Guards grabbed us and pulled us out the door.

We were loaded up in heavy outfits with heavy guns. We were carrying them slowly down the street, waiting for the "police" to hit his car. We had to get the man they called Fury first.

I blocked out this part of the mission. I was focused enough to do my job, but I had taught myself to distract my mind from what I was really doing. I still remembered every detail afterward, but in the moment, it was too much.

It was hard not to think about it once it was over. I remember James shooting someone, Fury. I remember being chased by that man, except he wasn't in his suit. James had caught the shield as I jumped down from the building.

We were at Pierce's house. I wasn't sure why. But James said we had to go, so we went. We sat at his, a gun lie in front of us. A gun he could use to put us down if he needed to, if we didn't do as told.

"Want some milk?" I looked at James. I wanted milk, but we weren't supposed to really take it. Not unless we were told to. I looked at the table.

Pierce talked about our targets. He said there were only two, but I was pretty sure there was supposed to be three. I stayed silent, letting James absorb the information. I understood the missions better when someone explained it to me after the original explanation.

A lady walked in, so I looked at her. She looked scared, which was reasonable. Who wouldn't? I resisted the urge to look at James again. I always looked at him, or Jerome, when I was nervous. It made me feel safer, reassured. Instead, I stared at the lady. Bucky glared. He hated seeing people while he was on a mission.

Pierce grabbed the gun. I stayed calm, but on the inside, I was being torn apart.

Why was this happening? I'd killed innocents on my own during missions tons of times. Why did this feel different? I cleared these feelings away. Soldiers can't have emotions.

He shot her twice. I felt nothing. The way it should be.

The next thing I remember is standing on top of a car. James reached through the window with his metal arm and pulled a man out. He threw him and he landed in front of a moving truck. I cleared my emotions away again.

James flew off the car first, but I followed only a second later. He used his metal arm to break his fall, but I wasn't so lucky.

Thankfully, I healed quickly, so I ignored the pain that came from hitting the ground and looked at James. He was the leader, in this mission at least.

Jerome's voice whispered in my ear, "You alright?"

I touched it, "Fine."

James slowly stood. The red head raised her gun. Then-

Someone slammed their car into the back of their car. One of our men. The cars continued moving forward toward us. James used the hood of their car to flip up, but I just jumped onto the roof. I stayed crouched down on the hood to look at our surroundings. Cars continued to drive around us like nothing was happening.

James reached through the front windshield to rip the steering wheel out. I blocked James' body with my own as the girl began shooting. James jumped to our car and I quickly followed. We stayed on the hood as we crashed into their car repeatedly.

They jumped out the door, so we slowly pulled off the road. I watched James out of the corner of my eye. Once we stopped, I jumped off of the hood of the car and grabbed the first gun handed to me.

It was bigger than I expected, but I shouldered on. I shot, hitting the man's shield as he brought it up to cover his face. The force knocked him backwards and he disappeared.

He hadn't even been a target...

As James and I walked forward, the men behind us continued trying to shoot our target and her... friend. The target shot at me, so James immediately brought his gun up to shoot her.

She dodged it by jumping over the railing that was between the roads. We watched her flip over a car and keep running. James and I aimed at the same time, then shot simultaneously. The car blew up, going over the bridge. And she went with it.

I dropped my gun from my eyes, but kept my hands on it. James just handed his off to someone else and grabbed a real gun. He walked over to the other side of the bridge and brought it to his eyes. I watched him, tense. I was prepared to defend him if he was attacked. He was shot, so he stumbled backwards.

I immediately shot down, not caring to aim, just shooting. Part of my mission was to only protect James, while his only mission was this. We were their best soldiers. James was better at blocking everything out and only focusing his attention on his targets, while I could handle multiple missions at once.

He ripped his goggles off, revealing eyes that matched mine. It was a strange coincidence, which I blew off as he stood to attack the girl again. I stood beside him, shooting.

We stopped shooting, watching for her. The men behind us continued firing, but we blocked them out. Our shoulders were together as we surveyed the road, searching for the target with red hair.

She looked back at us, smirking. I paused. Then gasped, "Natalia?"

In Russian, James told the men, "I have her. Find him." The man with the shield. We jumped down simultaneously. I landed on the ground, my knees absorbing the pain, which I ignored. It would disappear soon enough. James had landed on the car roof, smashing it down. We staggered forward.

We reloaded our guns and continued forward. Like always, James' eyes scanned every inch of the earth that was on the right of us. I had the left. He slowly stopped, so I did, too. I stepped an inch closer to him. He crouched down, so I turned. I watched the area for any attackers.

I knew he was pulling a grenade from his belt. I heard it as he rolled it under the car. It exploded, so I turned to look. Fire was everywhere. Then the girl was on James' shoulders. She had something that she was using to choke him.

I jumped up behind him, on the car, I pulled her off. I was standing above her, using my height to my advantage as I crouched to throw a punch at her stomach. James threw her across the road. I flinched.

I jumped off the car as James grabbed the gun and raised it to his eye to aim again. She threw something at his metal arm, making him drop his hold on the gun with it. I shot at her, but it did no good as she ran. I ripped the electric technology off James' arm. He whipped it forward.

We started walking again, so I murmured. "You're okay?"

He brushed against me. "Fine." Just like I told Jerome.

We didn't shoot her, but we heard the gunshot and saw her fall. We jumped on the car, so I raised my gun, prepared to shoot her. A sound rang out, so I turned.

The man with the shield. James' arm was now against it. A punch blocked.

Then I looked closer at the moment. It seemed familiar.

James pulled back and kicked the man off the car- and that's when I remembered: my dream.

I felt my eyes closing as the memory took over. "James." He turned to look. I could see he was shocked by his eyes. I didn't have to see his mouth to know his emotions. We had always just known each other.

I tried to blink it away as the memory flooded through my mind. I saw James dead.

I remembered. Not everything, but I knew this man was important.

I couldn't get myself to move as I watched them continue to fight.

The target, Steve?, flipped Bucky over his head. I screamed, "Bucky, no!" But they didn't hear me, just continued to attack each other.

The target grabbed James' face and flipped him again. I ran forward to punch the target in the stomach. The target- No. Steve raised his own fists, and I looked behind him to see James, Bucky, raising his gun and aiming at us. Without thinking, I yelled, "Don't shoot, Bucky!"

Steve's fist dropped and his face fell. He looked at me, into my eyes. "Winter Soldier," he whispered. I tilted my head, but he was already turning. He locked eyes with James. "Bucky?"

Bucky lowered the gun, "Who the hell is Bucky?"

Steve tried to grab me, but I dodged him as I ran to James. I grabbed his hand and took off.

"This isn't the mission."

"We need to go. Now."


	3. Fights and Memories

I sat beside James, Bucky?, as they worked on his arm. He was staring ahead, making sure not to look at me. I had ruined the mission. Jerome was the one working on him.

He looked at me, then flinched forward. He was remembering. I didn't know what, but I knew it was something.

His arm. Maybe it was when we found him, when they made his arm. That's what it usually was. I looked at the ground, trying to remember. I knew I had been there, but I couldn't actually see it, until James looked at me again.

His eyes. Confused, hurt?

I squeezed my own eyes shut. The darkness bringing the images. Him on the ground, that bracelet on his wrist of the only arm he had left. He was choking the scientist with his new arm. They stabbed a needle into him, sending him back into sleep. They froze him, then me.

I opened my eyes, and James was watching me. He punched Jerome away, making me stand. The guards already had their guns pointing at them. I looked at Jerome, who nodded; he was okay. I placed my hand on James' flesh shoulder. He relaxed, but only slightly. His position stayed the same, his eyes still on the ground, the guns still on him.

Pierce walked in. He raised his arms and the men lowered their guns. I squeezed James once, then dropped my hand. Pierce hated when we were close. I sat on the chair, squeezing myself beside him.

"Mission report." I stared at James, whose face was blank. He didn't respond. "Mission report now." We stayed silent.

Pierce began to walk forward. Once he leaned over, hands on his knees, I glared.

Then Pierce slapped James across the face, so I punched him. I didn't know what came over me, but I knew I had to fight him. I had to protect Bucky, who I was beginning to remember. "Don't fucking touch him, asshole."

Pierce looked shocked, then smirked, nodding. He stood again and opened his mouth to say something.

I looked at James. There was pain in his eyes. Then his eyebrows began to furrow together. Was he remembering too?

"The man on the bridge." I froze, so did Pierce. "Who was he?"

"You met him earlier this week on another assignment."

James looked away, to the wall that was on our left. "I knew him." Jame's voice was low.

Pierce sat in front of us. James and I looked at him again, preparing for him to talk.

"Steve," I breathed out. His name was Steve.

They ignored me. Instead Pierce said something about our work. He said it shaped the century. I was beginning to question if it was in a good way. "And I need you to do it one more time."

James looked at me. He moved his knee to touch mine, but no one noticed. I resisted the urge to look at Jerome.

Pierce began talking, so I looked at Jerome anyway. I looked at him and tilted my head. He just stared.

"And Hydra can't give the world the freedom it deserves."

I ripped my gaze from Jerome. "And that's what we're doing? Giving it freedom?"

Pierce leaned back.

I saw tears in James' eyes.

"James Buchanan Barnes!" The girl grinned as her mom yelled her brother's full name. "Jemma Winter Barnes! You two better get in here right now!"

Her grin disappeared as she trudged after her brother.

She stood against her counter. "Think it's all right to sneak people into your room?" Steve.

"Ma, it's not like that," She held up her hands.

"Then why is someone lying in your bed?"

"Ma, he's my friend." Bucky stepped forward.

"I called you in here, Jamie, because I figured you knew about it. But why let your sister be with your friend."

"Ma, she's not. It's not, it's just Steve. Remember Steve?"

"Oh! That sweet little boy you were teaching to fight?"

"Yes, ma!"

Their mom smiled. "So polite, he was." Then she scowled. "That doesn't give you an excuse to have a boy in your bed, miss."

"He got into a fight. He was tired. My room was closest. Besides, I'm not the one who's going to get with Steve."

Bucky froze beside the girl. The girl looked at him, remembering all of the times she had caught them holding hands. She shook the thought away. They were just friends, normal guys.

"Then who is?"

"I don't know. Probably a really smart girl. I don't date shorter guys."

Their mom nodded and turned back to the food. "Well, next time he stays in James' bed." She waved them off. "Now, go tell Steve that it's time for dinner."

I bit my lip. Apparently my flashback hadn't lasted long at all.

Bucky's face tightened. "But I knew him."

"Yeah, we did." I glared at Pierce. "He was-"

Pierce cut me off. "Wipe them."

I looked at Bucky. We weren't supposed to remember anything. He looked at me, his eyes holding his hurt. He knew. He hadn't completely remembered, but he knew Steve. He was important to us, or he used to be, at least.

"They've been out of cryo freeze too long."

"Then wipe them and start over."

I grabbed Bucky's hands. We're soldiers. Soldiers. Soldiers. Soldiers. Like our dad, who died. My fault. I tightened my grip, causing Bucky's eyes to focus on our hands. I kept my voice low as I whispered, "We're siblings, James."

"Wh- what?" So he didn't remember. He remembered Steve, but not me.

I let go of his hand and shook my head.

Another chair was brought in, put beside Bucky's. They shoved me into it, pushing me back. Pushing Bucky back. Bucky was watching someone in the back, but I kept my eyes on Jerome.

Jerome yelled out as we opened our mouths for the mouthguards to be put in. "No! Don't do this!"

I shook my head at him. They'd hurt him, too. He couldn't do this. He glared at me, crossing his arms. I leaned back against the headrest.

I couldn't see him, but I knew Jerome was walking up to Pierce. "At least let me do it. Please."

"Are you actually going to do it?"

"I'll do it. Just please don't hurt her. I can do it. Please."

"Fine, whatever. But the job better be done, and it better be done right."

"Yes, sir." Then he was beside me, grabbing my hand. I looked at James. He didn't look back, so I just rubbed his open palm with my finger. Then my arms were pulled against the bars. I tightened my muscles, squeezing my eyes shut as my chin leaned upward.

I tried not to yell out; I knew Jerome was right there. I knew they could hear me, could see my weakness. But as the bars wrapped around my face, I screamed out. The mouthguard prevented me from biting my own tongue, and it muffled the sound.

I saw Steve, I saw Bucky. Old memories. Steve was small, my mom, my dad, I saw the gun in my hand. The target from today, but younger. Ballet. Then it was gone.

I heard Bucky's voice. He was talking about a ceremony. "How was it?"

"It was okay. She's next to Dad." This was a memory, but I hadn't been there. Steve was still small. But it sounded like he may have been talking about his mom. I wasn't there when she had died.

They were wearing suits. I couldn't help but notice the fact that Bucky's was nicer than Steve's. I'm sure he offered to help Steve buy one, but I'm also sure Steve wouldn't take it. I just didn't know how I was so sure about that.

"I meant to ask..."

"I know what you're going to say, Buck." How did he know, though? How were they really that close? 

"We can put the couch cushions on the floor, like when we were kids." They had done it when I knew them, but I remembered something else... Bucky had had friends over. Most of them were jerks, so I mostly stayed away from them. I either stayed in my room or at my own friend's. Maybe he really had known Steve a lot better, and way longer, than I thought. "It'll be fun. All you gotta do is shine my shoes, or maybe take out the trash." His voice was playful. I missed it.

The Winter Soldier never talked like that.

Bucky kicked a brick, revealing a key. He picked it up, handing it to Steve. "Come on."

"Thank you," he looked up at Bucky. "But I can get by on my own."

Bucky shook his head. "The thing is," he looked at Steve, "you don't have to."

I smiled. The way they looked at each other was beyond any feeling I'd ever seen before. I was glad Bucky had found Steve, someone to care for. 

He put a hand on Steve's shoulder. "I'm with you 'til the end of the line."

I thought of Bucky now, how they would've killed each other. I thought of how confused and hurt Steve had looked when he saw Bucky's face.

I woke up. I was in my cell now. Jerome was sleeping beside me, and James was lying on the bed across the room. He was staring at the ceiling. "Why us?"

"What?"

"They just brought me here. I just don't even know what I did. They're sending us on another mission, and I don't even remember the last one."

"Yeah, me neither. But it's okay, right? This is supposed to help everything?"

"Yeah, it's supposed to."

"Right."

We heard them talking. Our targets. "I had a big breakfast."

As soon as the one in the blue suit was in front of us, I grumbled, "Go."

James lunged at him, knocking him off. The other man yelled, "Steve," which sounded familiar, but I ignored it. There were more important things going on right now. He had wings on and used them, or tried to, to fly off after the other man. We both grabbed a wing and pulled him back. He began firing at us, so we flipped away from each other.

I threw James the grappling hook Hydra had given us. He used it to throw it at one of the man's wings. He pulled it off. I flipped in beside James and kicked the target off. He was spiraling, missing one wing affected his balance as he fell. 

He released the other wing, and then I saw a parachute. He was safe. I internally groaned. I thought we had already succeeded. 

We saw the man in the blue suit. Alive. He began climbing up, so James grabbed my hand and pulled me. We were running down to him; I knew without asking.

James stopped, so I did, too. I tilted to my right, around him. And I saw our target. "People are gonna die, Buck." Something about his voice, and that name, it clicked in my head. It sounded familiar, but I shook my head, pulling a knife from my boot. "I can't let that happen."

We didn't respond, just stared at him. He didn't know us. He couldn't have, but then he talked again. "Please don't make me do this," his voice caused a pang in my chest. I knew I wasn't supposed to care, but I did. He sounded pained. He really didn't want to hurt us, but we had to hurt him.

No matter who he was to us before; he wasn't important anymore. Not if I couldn't even remember him. He lowered his head and glared at us. Then, he threw the shield. We both ducked. James started firing his gun as the target neared us.

I lowered under the shield to stab the target's side. The target slammed the shield against James' face, sending him backwards. I punched his jaw. He cocked his head when James stood again.

James kicked his stomach and I went behind him to kick his legs. James attempted to stab him, but the target blocked it with his shield, which he then used to knock James away. I threw a punch once he turned around, but he just pushed me to the ground and ran over to punch a code into the lock.

James pulled me up, then ran behind the target. He heard us and turned. More hand-to-hand combat. James attempted to stab him, but the target held him back. I flipped toward them and kicked the target's shoulder. He broke away and kicked James backwards. I threw another punch at his stomach, then flipped away, out of his reach.

But he didn't try to get me. Instead, he grabbed a card from behind him, and shoved into his belt. James lunged for him, but was, once again, blocked by the shield. They punched each other, until the target landed a punch that made James lean over the side of the railing. I tried to stab the target with my own knife when the shield hit my temple.

I fell immediately, and tried to blink to recover my vision.

Bucky roared and tackled the target over the railing. That made me stand and jump over it after him. I had to help. While they were fighting, I noticed the card on the ground, but ignored it to help James.

The target was tough, punching one of us then the other.James punched him and the target slid. He grabbed the card, so I slid after him. James was able to knock the card from the target's hand, who then punched James off. 

I growled without thinking, and punched his nose. Then I punched him repeatedly. I saw James hit the floor, so I jumped down. The target was right behind me. Whatever was on the card couldn't be in the target's hands. He ran for the card; I tossed his shield to James who threw it, and he hit his mark.

I started shooting at him. The target threw his shield at me, but James knocked it out of the way. We ran toward him.

James stabbed his arm, and the target began hitting their head together, crying out. I threw the target against the wall, and James used the opening to go for the card. He grabbed it, but the target was on him.

James tried to hand me the card, but the target had his hand around James' throat and lifted him into the air. I heard James' choking noise as I grabbed the card. The target flipped him over.

The target grabbed my arm and pulled it back, locking me into place. James used his arm to punch the man, but it had no effect. "Drop the card," he moved my arm, making me scream, "Drop it!"

He pulled me down and started choking me. James cried out, and dove to my side. I wiggled around, trying to get out of the target's grip, trying to breathe. I saw James' arm hit the target before my eyes began to close, and everything went dark. 

I woke up to the sounds of explosions. "Winter, we gotta get out of here. It's blowing up."

I looked around to see fire everywhere. I screamed when something fell. It landed on us both, making us cry out. He tried to lift it, but it was no use. I couldn't even help; I was so tired, weak.

I kept hearing them firing at us. I reached for James. "Winter!" My earpiece.

I grabbed James' hands and with the other, I touched my ear. "Jerome," I breathed out.

"Winter, what's happening? Are you guys okay?"

I just sighed, "Jerome. Jerome. Jerome."

I heard something fall tour right, so we looked. The target. Did they know he was still on here, too? James groaned, trying to lift it again. I felt my strength slowly returning, so I tried to help, too. No use. I squeezed my eyes shut.

Then opened them.

The target was beside us, trying to lift. We all lifted at the same time.

I heard Jerome in my ear, but couldn't respond. I had to help. They couldn't do this alone. I felt it lift enough, and slipped out. James slipped out quicker than I had, and then the target let it fall.

"You know me," the target said.

James rose slightly, then swung at the target, knocking him down.

I faintly remembered James' screams. I remembered water. In my nose, my throat.

"Bucky," James looked at him. Was he Bucky? Did he really know him? "Jemma. You've known me your whole lives."

I was about to step forward, to question him, but James just swung at him again. Another explosion. I just stood there, staring. I knew I was going to die. But I didn't want it to be like this. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes." He looked at me. "You're Jemma Winter Barnes." He stood, shakily. 

"Shut up," James threw a punch. He was remembering. He knew. He knew this was true. But he wasn't supposed to know.

I wanted to tell him that I knew, but they had Jerome. I could handle the torture, but if they hurt Jerome, too, just to get to me... And James... 

The man pulled his mask off. There was only a flicker of recognition on James' face, which was replaced with fear.

I remembered, though. "Steve."

Steve looked shocked, "You remember me?"

James yeled, "No! We don't know you. We don't!"

"I'm not going to fight you." He dropped the shield, down a hole. Gone. I watched him. His breaths were deep. "You're my friends." I looked at James, and he locked eyes with me.

"We have a mission, Winter." His eyes were determined. He knew what would happen if we failed.

I couldn't let them hurt James and Jerome, so I cleared my feelings away. Then I lunged for the target, Steve, "You're our mission." I punched him repeatedly until I heard someone in my earpiece.

"Jemma, it's okay." I paused, getting off Steve to listen to Jerome. James took my place. "You don't have to fight him. They already know-" his urgent voice was cut off.

"Lover boy wants to protect his girl. That's cute, but it won't work."

"Jemma, I love you!" Then all I heard were his screams.

"Jerome, no," I coughed. "Please don't."

"He's gone. And if you don't finish your mission, you will be, too." I threw the earpiece away.

James was still punching Steve, but all I could hear was Jerome. His last screams. It was all my fault. "I'm with ya 'till the end of the line," Steve's voice was weak.

I looked at him. James had paused and seeing his face, I knew he remembered. That was our Steve. Steve, who was our best friend, but we weren't supposed to know that.

Would they really kill us, too? James looked at me. "James, it's-"

Then a beam fell and the glass shattered below us. I grabbed onto the pipes above me; James had grabbed onto something, too, but Steve fell. I watched him go into the water. "We have to do something, James."

He looked at me, then at Steve. "It's really him? That kid from when we were younger. It's him?"

"You remember?"

"I remember him." He looked at Steve again. He had gone under water. James jumped, so I followed. Together, we pulled him out of the water.

We each had a hold of one of his shoulder straps as we dragged him onto the land. We let him fall and looked at him. "He's breathing," I watched his chest move to make sure he was okay.

I sighed and held onto James as we walked. I was limping, I hadn't known my leg was hurt. James didn't look at me, too many things were going on in our heads, but he grabbed my hand.


	4. Shopping

We didn't know where to go. We had a little money. They always gave us a little bit, which was hidden in our pockets. But would it really be enough?  
"Where do we go?"

"We have to get cleaned up," he sounded different now. But with the new way he was talking- in English, which I hadn't heard for a long time- it was familiar, too. He stopped abruptly to grab me. "A mission. Years ago, you went on a mission. Except, no," he squeezed his eyes shut, "You left. They said you escaped. You saw that man that we just fought. We have to get to town. Do you know anywhere?"

I stared at the ground, picturing that man's face; all I saw was a tiny boy with his head. I shook my head, "I don't remember ever escaping, James."

He let go of me and kept walking. "Right. Well, I guess we'll just find our way then."

I followed him, no longer limping.

"There's a place," he raised his finger and pointed. There were a few houses. He looked down at his arm, then at me. "I don't think I'll be able to go without anyone..."

I nodded. "Just wait here. No one's ever really recognized me on missions; I can blend in. I'll just find a man; they'll follow anything."

He sat down. "Just hurry... and be careful." He pulled his money out and handed it to me, which I put in my own pockets. He closed his eyes and leaned back. He was probably asleep, but we were trained to wake up at any noise.

I pulled the hair tie from my hair to make it look better. I had to look decent if I was going to find help. I saw a man walk out his door, leaving it open behind him. I headed his way.

"Sir?" He looked up. I bit my lip, waiting until his eyes were on my mouth. "Could you help me?"

He blinked and focused on my eyes. Then he nodded, "Yeah. What's the problem, miss?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you could point me in the direction of a clothing store?"

He looked at the clothes I had on now. My dark red uniform I wore on missions. I kept my calm, making sure he didn't know I was nervous. "I could take you, if that's alright. Help you around. You definitely don't seem like you're from around here."

I looked down the street, but nothing looked familiar. Maybe I really wasn't from here. I didn't even know what 'here' was. "That would be wonderful." I thought of James. "I have to hurry, though."

"Of course." He pointed to the car. "I was just going to ride around, but we can just walk."

So we did. He took me to a store, but I didn't catch the name. He told me he could go get us something to eat, which I happily agreed to. I asked him to bring me something extra, so that I could bring it home. In actuality, I had asked so James could have food, too.

A lady, who told me that she worked there, said I could try things on in the dressing room. I chose a dark blue dress that buttoned in the front; it had sleeves that showed my shoulders, and had a bow to tie in the front. I assumed dresses would allow me to hide with the crowd more. I chose a longer, olive green dress that almost reached my ankles. There was a slit that came up to my thigh. It was simple; it also had a bow in the front. I picked a blue dress with white polka dots, and the ends of it had ruffles.

The lady helped me find pants that fit my size. I chose three pairs of jeans that had holes in them. I also chose a green shirt, a grey shirt, and a tan sweater. I picked two simple black dresses that came to the middle of my thigh; it was tighter than I was used to.

I picked two jean jackets, and a simple black hoodie. The cost was higher than I expected, but I had the money. I thanked her as I walked out to find the man from earlier.

He was standing in a line of people, right inside the door of the food place. I didn' pay attention to the name, just slid past people to get to the man. "Hey, I finished," I held my bags up. "Sorry, I don't even know your name."

He laughed. "I'm Michael. You?"

I paused. "Jemma."

He smiled. "Well, you could go change into one of the things you just bought. By the time you're done, I'm sure I'll have the food."

He pointed me to the bathroom, where I quickly changed and dressed. I used the towels to wipe my face and looked into the mirror.

"Bucky," Steve pleaded. "Please don't."

"Steve, I could never betray you like that!" Bucky held a hand to his chest.

Jemma made sure they were focused on each other, and then she slid to the ground. She slowly slid over to the table, then jumped up. Both boys screamed; She grabbed the last cupcake and ran.

"Jemma!" He sounded angry, but she knew he wasn't. "Jemma, where are you?" The fake anger was replaced with fake worry. "That was Steve's," now his voice was whiny, but closer. He was nearing her, but she stayed crouched down. She licked the blue icing off the cupcake and suppressed her giggles.

Bucky slid in beside her and grabbed the cupcake. "Bucky!"

He shoved the rest of the icing into his own mouth. "Sh, be quiet. Steve will find us."

She crossed her arms. Then she whispered, "That's my cupcake!"

"It was actually supposed to be Steve's!" He bit into the cupcake.

She heard Steve wheezing. Jemma realized he was having an asthma attack, so they probably shouldn't scare him. "Maybe we shouldn't-" But Bucky didn't hear her, so he jumped out and yelled.

Steve yelled, "Bucky!" Then he squeezed his eyes shut and leaned over his knees.

She crawled out of the hiding hole behind Bucky. He was sitting down. "Steve?"

He sat down; knees pressed against Bucky's. "Sorry. I just thought you guys were farther-" he wheezed, "farther back."

Bucky laughed. "Well, you gotta admit, we're good."

"Bucky! He could've been really hurt," the girl thought of Steve's many health issues.

Bucky waved her off. "It's no big deal. Ain't that right, Stevie?"

Steve stood. He squared his shoulders, but the girl saw him lean on Bucky. "I'm swell."

I blinked at myself. She hadn't just known Steve for a long time, she'd also been closer to James then she remembered. Her brother.

Then I ran out of the bathroom, back to Michael, who was sitting at a table with food in front of him. I ate my food quickly; Michael offered to carry the extra box that had James' food in it. We went to the shoe store next.

I picked two pairs of sneakers; one white, one black. I didn't worry about the brand, just the price. I made sure they were cheaper than the rest (but still too expensive), but that they fit. Then I went to the men aisle. 

I realized then that I didn't know any of James' sizes. I looked at Michael's feet. They looked similar, maybe a little smaller. She could just get a size bigger. "Sorry, could you help me?"

He nodded, "Yeah. What size?"

"I actually don't know. Probably a size bigger than you?" I picked a red pair and a black pair for James. Michael told me they'd be easy to run in, which was helpful.

At the next store, Michael helped me pick out clothes for James. It was hard, without his size, but I just told Michael that James was really muscular, so he probably needed a bigger size.

When we were walking out of the store, Michael asked, "Who is James anyway?"

"My brother."

"Oh." We went back to his house. He handed me the food and clothes. "You sure you can handle that?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be okay." I smiled. "Thanks again."

"Yeah, well... If you'd like to ever see each other again, then come back. I'm always here."

I just nodded and waited until he was back inside to walk back to James.

I thought of Michael. I felt bad; I had used him. I had made him like me just so I could find clothes. Not that it mattered. It was highly unlikely that I'd ever see him again. And even if I did, no one had been harmed by her actions. Not this time.

I was almost to the trees when I thought of Jerome. I still wasn't sure if it was real. If it wasn't, then it would be now. We failed the mission, on purpose. We remembered. They'd go after Steve, too. But he could handle himself.

"Winter?"

"Yeah, it's me."

He ran forward. "I remembered something. You and me... and Steve. We were helping him fight. It wasn't a big deal. Nothing happened. But I saw him hitting the bag."

I dropped the bags, but held the food. "I remembered something, too. We scared Steve. But we were siblings, James. And we kept calling you Buck."

He tilted his head; the same way I always do. "Your eyes." He nodded. "I understand."

"I brought you food."

He grabbed it, sitting down again. "It's safe?..."

"I ate some myself."

He was still hesitant, so I picked a piece up with my fingers and ate it. He dug into the food immediately.

"как мир (How's the world?)" James shoved his mouth full again as soon as he asked.

"Все нормально. Очень разные. (It's okay. A lot different.)" I sat on a rock beside him.

"Милое платье. (Nice dress.)" They may have taken the memories out of him, but they couldn't get rid of the manners.

"Я тоже получил одежду. (I got you clothes, too.)" I opened the bags from his store and pulled the clothes out.

James was already halfway done with his chicken and fries.

In the bags, there was a tan button-up shirt. There was a plain black hoodie, and a grey one that said AE on it. "Michael said it's the brand name." I had also bought him four sweaters: one was green, one was dark blue, one was a dark red, and the last was black. I got him three white shirts, which Michael said were made to be tight.

I also got him two pairs of black jeans that had holes at the knees, three pairs of grey sweatpants, and a pair of dark blue shorts. "The clothes are different now. Shorter. And way more expensive."

He nodded. "Don't tell me how much or I might just turn into an assassin again."

He meant it as a joke, but we went silent after he said it.

We didn't talk until he had finished all of his food and sat in silence for at least, ten minutes. "I was just kidding."

"Yeah, I know."

He sighed and grabbed one of the t-shirts and his shorts. "I'll go change."

He came back a few minutes later and asked where I put my old clothes. "Trash. In the bathroom." he just threw the clothes into the woods and sat down again. "Do you think they'll find us?"

"I don't know if they'll even look."

"What about him?"

"The target?" It was too weird to know his name.

"Yeah. Do you think they'll find him?"

"I'm sure they could, but I think they'll let him go. He seems important. A lot of people were looking for him during our fight."

"What if we had killed him?"

"Then we wouldn't have anything to remember, James. We never remember anyone else."

"I do. Sometimes."

"But then they freeze us." I clenched my fists. "The target might find us."

"What?"

"If he really did know us, then maybe he'll look for us." I looked around. "We can't hide here. We'll have to move around."

"Across the ocean?"

I shrugged, "Why not? We have money. We could do it."  
"Lay low until we remember."

"We could do it. Really, we could."

Then we went silent again. We didn't talk until I yawned. "Winter... I'm not sure if we should sleep here."

"Where else would we go?"

"I don't know. But they'll find us here. It's too open. The trees aren't enough cover. I could barely wait here."

"What if we take turns sleeping? One of us could stay awake the whole time."


	5. Michael and the Smithsonian

"Okay, sure. You can sleep first." He was about to stand when I thought of something. 

I put a hand up and he raised his own in defense. I dropped my hand immediately. "I have an idea."

He dropped his own hand, not bothering to acknowledge what had happened. "What?"  
I pointed to Michael's house; I saw the sky turning orange behind it. "We could ask to stay with him. Just for tonight."

James rolled his bottom lip into his mouth. "Can we trust him?"

I dropped my hand to my lap again. "I don't know. But even if he does try to attack us, we can defend ourselves. He's not a big guy."

"I don't know if I could kill someone, even if I have to."

I shook my head. There's no way I could kill anyone either. Not yet, probably never. "We won't have to kill him. We can hold him off enough to run."

"Let's go." He grabbed our bags, leaving the trash from the food.

I followed him down the hill, watching our surroundings. How long would it take for them to find us if they were really looking? How far had we walked? Not enough, most likely. "James," I called.

He kept walking, "Yeah?"

"If he lets us stay, let's share a room. I can sleep on the floor, but we should stick together."

"Smart. We'll lock the door."

I didn't reply because we arrived. James stopped and nodded for me to knock, so I did.

Michael opened the door. "Jemma?"

I shivered, turning to see James glaring at me. I realized then that I shouldn't have used my real name. "Uh, yes. This is uh..."

James sighed, "I'm James." He didn't hold his hand out to shake, but Michael looked anyway. He saw the metal, but didn't acknowledge it. "Your brother?"

"Yes. We were wondering if we could stay here for tonight? We'll be gone by tomorrow morning."

He looked back into the house. "I only have one extra bedroom."

"We planned to share anyway."

"Right... Well, yeah, you can come in." He stepped out of the way and walked through. "I was just watching," he paused, and I saw a faint blush on his cheeks, "Pinocchio."

I looked at the screen. An animation, one I'd seen before. But how? "I think I'll just go to bed; I'm really tired."

He pointed to the room that led right off the one we were standing in. "It's right in there. Make yourself at home." Home. "If you'd like to stay for breakfast, I could cook."

"Thank you. We might," then I ran to the room, and shut the door. I could hear my heartbeat clearly. I brought my hand to my forehead and it got louder. I closed my eyes.

"That movie was great." Steve threw the drink, which they had all ended up sharing, in the trash.

Bucky threw an arm around his shoulders. "It was okay. The real show was those dames in front of us."

I muttered, "Doll dizzy," making Steve laugh.

Bucky took his arm off Steve's shoulders. "Why don't you leave us alone, Jem?" He waved me off with his fingers.

"I think I'm alright, Buck."

Bucky shrugged, "What's the name of that movie anyway?"

I rolled my eyes. "Pinocchio."

"You really don't pay attention, d'ya?" Steve's voice was quiet compared to our loud ones.

"Why should I?"

"You know, you're lucky to have all of that money. The least you could do is pay attention to the things you pay for," Steve stormed ahead of us.

I gawked. "What's made him so mad?"

Bucky sighed, "I forgot. I always forget that he doesn't have as much money as us. I never even consider-"

"Why don't we give him some? Ma wouldn't mind; she loves Steve."

"I've tried. He won't fucking take it, says it's not right." Then he jogged forward, up to Steve. Steve was never able to be ahead of us. His legs were too short to walk faster than us, and if he ran, his asthma worked up. "Stevie, listen. You don't have to snap your cap; we didn't mean anything by it."

Steve slowed his walking, and I came to stand by them. "I know. It's just irritating sometimes. I know you don't mean it, but it's still hard."

"We could help you, if you just let us."

"Absolutely not. We can't pile that on you."

"We can take it. We have money," I tried reassuring him. Our new clothes always fit, and Steve's never did. His new clothes were always someone else's old ones. His house was tiny, just him and his mom. Didn't nurses make decent pay?

"It's fine. We're still living."

I scoffed, "For how much longer, Steve? You have so many health issues, you probably shouldn't even leave the house! You smoke all those cigarettes to help your asthma, but I don't think they do much good."

Bucky pointed at me, "Shut it, Jemma."

"Seriously? You always take his side when we hardly even know him."

"I know him quite well actually, and so far, he's been a better best friend than you."

I threw my hands up. "He's sick all the time. You're always taking care of him."

He told me to leave again, but this time it wasn't a joke. So I left. I heard Steve tell Bucky to apologize, but I kept walking. I needed to clear my thoughts.

I opened my eyes. The room was dark now, the sun having gone down and not providing any more light. I had to tell Bucky about my memory.

I opened the bedroom door and looked into the room, where Michael and Bucky were watching the screen. "James?"

He looked up. "Everything okay?"

I nodded. "I need to talk to you, now."

Michael watched me while James walked into the room. "You're sure everything's alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine. But could we get some paper? And something to write with?"

Michael opened the drawer in front of him, pulling out paper and a pencil, which he threw to me. I smiled and shut the door again. "Okay, James. I had another memory."

"Good?"

"Sort of, I think. It was about Steve."

"What was it?"

"We watched a movie, that movie Michael was watching. At the theater. You were talking about... girls, I think, and then Steve got angry. I think he may have been poor., but we weren't. I told him that we could give him some of our money, but he kept saying no. It made me annoyed, so then I just told him that he shouldn't leave the house. He was small in this one. I had said something about asthma, and health issues. I wonder how he got so big... Anyway, then you told me to stop talking, and I yelled at you, too. So then I left."

"That's it?" James was writing everything I said down on the paper.

"Yeah, but I also wanted to start calling you Bucky. That's what I always call you in my memories. And James just makes me think of all the bad things."

"That's okay." He put the paper and pencil down. "Everyone always called you Winter, but Jerome and I called you Jemma sometimes, too. That's your real name, but how did we know?"

"I... don't know."

"Right. Well, maybe we should sleep now, but we can both stay in the bed. I mean, we are siblings, right?" One side of his mouth raised, but it looked forced.

I smiled back, anyway. Better to pretend. "Right."

The next morning, I woke up to Bucky shaking me. "Hey, wake up. There's food. And I have something to ask Michael, but you should be there."

I nodded and rubbed my eyes. I blinked to focus my vision and looked around the room. "I'm coming." I sat up and put my hair in a ponytail again, then walked out. 

"'Morning," Michael was sitting down at the table. "I made eggs."

I sat beside Bucky, on his right. "Thanks."

Bucky swallowed his food, "Hey. We've got a question, but I don't know if you'll have an answer."

Michael nodded. "I'll try my best."

"Do you happen to know anything about Captain America?"

I stopped chewing.

He tilted his head and swallowed his own food before answering. "Yeah, I mean everyone does, right? He's a superhero. He helped save New York, was in the ice for seventy years, but came out like nothing happened. He's a legend." He scooped more food onto his fork. "They've got a museum about him. Well, not about him. But he has a place in the Smithsonian."

I swallowed. "Where is that exactly?"

He sent me a look that asked how I didn't know. I should've hid my confusion better. "Washington, D.C."

"After we eat, could you point us to the train station?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll go get dressed." I watched him put the dirty plate in the sink. He turned the water on, and it hit the bottom of the sink before splashing back up.He groaned. "I'll be right back."

After he left, James- no- Bucky finished his food, too. "Ты думаешь, это хорошая идея? (Do you think this is a good idea?)"

"Да. Если он там, возможно, это поможет нам вспомнить его больше. (Yeah. If he's in there, maybe it will help us remember him more.)" I shrugged. "Кроме того, мы тоже можем быть там. (Besides, we might be in there, too.)"

"Я помню его больше уже. Больше я ничего не помню, но прошлой ночью мне приснился сон. Я был с маленьким мальчиком, и я назвал его Стив. У него были такие же глаза, как у этого человека. (I remember him more already. I can't really remember anything else, but last night, I had a dream. I was with a little boy, and I called him Steve. He had the same eyes as that man.)"

"Я думаю, что он был важен для нас. Я думаю, что он был важнее для вас, чем я, но я уверен, что он был важной частью нашей жизни. (I think he was important to us. I think he was more important to you than me, but I'm sure he was a big part of our lives.)"

"Как вы думаете, мы найдем? (What do you think we will find?)" Bucky tapped his fingers on the table, and looked to the right of me.

"Надеюсь, ответы. (Hopefully answers.)"

Michael was back. "Whenever you're ready, we can go."

"You're taking us?" Bucky grabbed our plates and put them in the sink, too.

"To the train station."

I got up and went to the room. "I'll change first."

"Hurry."

I changed into one of my new pairs of jeans and the plain grey t-shirt. I put the jean jacket over it, and walked out of the room. Bucky went in without a word.

"Hey, I have old bookbags you could use to carry your things," Michael was leaning against the counter, playing on his phone. Pierce had always been on his phone.

I stared at the ground, but nodded. "Yeah, thank you."

"I'll bring them out," he slipped his phone into his pocket, then walked into his room.

I whipped my head around when I heard the squeak of the door. Bucky walked out, wearing his hoodie and black jeans. "I think this will help us blend in more."

"That's what I thought, too."

His eyes darted around the room. "Where's Michael?"

"Getting us bags. We can keep our clothes in them, our paper. Money."

His eyes locked on mine. "Where's our money?"

I froze. Did I leave it in the uniform, which was in the trash now? Probably gone. Then I remembered. "It's in the bags. I put it there after I paid, I forgot."

"No worries."

"Okay, here's three. Just pick whichever one you want," Michael laid them on the table.

We both grabbed one, and then went to our room to pack. I folded each piece of clothing slowly, and put it in my bag. James was done before me, so he put the papers in his bag. Then he sat on the bed. "What if they do find us?"

"We'll run."

"And if they catch up?"

I zipped my bag shut. "We'll fight them."

He slipped the straps over his shoulders. "Are we putting Michael in danger?"

I didn't reply. Instead, I put my own bag on my back, and looked out into the kitchen. Michael was back on his phone. I pulled my shirt down. "Do we have any other choice?"

"I guess not."

I walked out to Michael. "Hey, before we go to the train station, could we go to the store again? I'd like to get a new hat."

"I have a couple old hats, too. You could look at them and see what you want. If you don't like any, we could always go to the store before we leave."

So we both chose plain dark hats out of his collection. They hid our faces just enough that we wouldn't be recognized.

Michael dropped us off at the Smithsonian. He said he needed to come to Washington anyway. I was pretty sure he was lying, but at least we didn't have to pay for a train ride. Michael wouldn't accept money, which was a relief. "I could pick you guys up, if you want. In a couple hours, bring you home."

We weren't going to be going back, but he didn't know that. "No, it's okay. We'll find our way."

He smiled, and I shut the door. James- no, Bucky walked beside me, his hands in his pockets. "He was nice."

"Yeah," I looked back, but his car was gone. "Yeah, he was."

"Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes," I whipped my head to the source of the sound. "And Steven Rogers," I lightly tugged Bucky's sleeve and walked toward the giant picture of the man standing beside me. The one in the picture was younger, happier. He wasn't like that anymore, neither of us were. "Were inseparable, on both schoolyard and battlefield." I looked at Bucky, who just stared ahead. "Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country." Under his name it said, 1917-1944. Before I could think, I grabbed Bucky's hand. He squeezed back, bringing me comfort. The picture switched, showing... me.

I squeezed Bucky's hand again as they talked about me now. "Jemma Barnes was their best friend, too. They were closer than most." A video of all of us together showed up. We were laughing. Steve was watching Bucky, and I watched them both. I heard Bucky gasp beside me. There was a video of Bucky leaning over paper and Steve looking around. It was my turn to gasp when there was a picture of Steve and I together, and we were closer than I ever would've thought. We were kissing. "Based on some actions, many people believed that there was more than a friendship going on between the Barnes girl and Captain America, himself. No one ever confirmed this, seeing that Jemma disappeared only a few days later."

I dropped Bucky's hand to step forward, closer to the screen. Were we really that close? If we were, how could I forget? I looked back at Bucky.

"We should go, Winter." So we left.

But not before we were stopped by a little girl. She had blonde pigtails, with pink bows at her head, and was only about as tall as my waist. She was wearing a white shirt that had roses on it, the sleeves were wavy at the ends. She also had burgundy overalls over it, with two white buttons at the waist. She had brown boots and a baby doll in her hand.

She smiled at me. "You're really... pretty!"

I looked at Bucky, whose eyes widened, before leaning down with my hands on my knees. "So are you."

She looked behind me, at my picture, then back at me. "Hey, you're-" She raised her finger to point.

I quickly shook my head. "Hey, no, no, no."

She brought her raised hand to her mouth, "But that's, it looks like you!"

Bucky stepped forward and smiled at her. "Yeah, it does look like her. You're smart. But you gotta keep quiet, okay? It's like a secret; do you know what secrets are?"

The little girl nodded. "Secrets are fun."

Bucky pulled my sleeve, "Exactly. So keep this a secret."

She giggled, "Okay!"

"Kaylie, where are you?" I heard a frantic man yell. Her dad, most likely.

I shot a frantic look to Bucky, who had a matching expression. "What do we do?" I murmured out of the corner of my mouth.

"Just keep your head down and follow my lead," he stepped forward. "She's over here!"

The man was in front of us. He had blue eyes and dark hair that was in a ponytail. He immediately hugged the little girl, and I felt a pang in my chest. He looked at us, I saw tears in his eyes. "Thank you," he said to us. "Thank you so much. I looked away for one second, and when I looked back, she was gone."

"I know how it is," Bucky told him, but I don't think he did. Not really.

The man thanked us once more before picking the little girl up and carrying her away. As soon as he was gone, we turned and walked out.

We started walking once we got outside. "Where are we headed anyway?"

I remembered having to travel for missions before.We'd have to ride on, "Planes! We'll have to find a plane!"

"Right, okay. I think they're called airports? We could find a ride and ask them to take us to the nearest one."

I shook my head, "No. No ride. We don't have the money for that."

"You're right. I guess we'll walk for a bit?"

"Eventually we can ask someone. But for now? Yeah, we'll just walk a bit."

We walked until the sun began to set. "I don't want to waste money, but we need to sleep. We could get a ride and sleep on the ride to the airport. We'd have to pay for a room somewhere anyway," I told Bucky once the thought crossed my mind.

He agreed, then waved a hand. A cab pulled up immediately, so we slid into the back. Bucky first. "Where to?"

"The nearest airport," I kept my head down. I couldn't risk my face being seen and recognized.

"Alright. We'll be there soon. You can-"

I laid my head back and fell asleep.


	6. Bad Guys.

*one year later*

Bucky and I had a house in Romania. It was small. We didn't have a bed, just two mattresses on the floor,and a table. We only had two plates, two bowls, two forks, two spoons, and two knives. We had one pan, and one pot.

We couldn't get a real job. We couldn't have them catching us, and a house already made it easier. So, we did small jobs for people who needed help, and if we really needed the money, we stole. It wasn't ever a lot, but if there was an opening, we grabbed some of the money. Sometimes we stole things to sell them.

"Winter?"

I blinked and looked around. I had been thinking about the past year, and I didn't even realize I was still awake and sitting up. The room was dark now, but a sliver of light came from under the door.

"Yeah?" I looked at Bucky, who was laying on his side, facing the kitchen.

"I think I just remembered something."

"Really?" I grabbed one of our many notebooks and pens,off the floor beside me. "Okay, go ahead."

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Okay, so I don't think you were there, but I was sitting at a table with- with Steve. I think it was an art class because we were painting? No, just drawing. The teacher told us to draw something that represented someone we loved. We were to give the person this drawing, but she said not to tell them what it meant. If they knew, they mattered."

He stopped. After I finished writing, I softly asked, "What'd you draw, Bucky?"

"I, I drew... a rat."

"A rat?" I wrote it down. "Who was it for?"  
"I gave it to Steve. I remember telling him that it was because he was the only person I had left. I told him I just loved him as a friend. I said that we were both guys, and didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable."

"And did he tell you what it meant?"

Bucky nodded. "He said I drew a rat," he paused. "He told me that the rat represented the first time I stayed the night with him. He was so embarrassed to bring me over because he, well, he didn't have a lot of money. There were a lot of bugs and dirt, and his mom looked really sick. But I didn't care. He was my friend, and money didn't matter." Bucky laid down on his back, staring at the ceiling. "I remember that I eI heard a rat, and I expected him to be scared. Hell, I felt terrified. I tried not to show it because I was older, taller, healthier; I was supposed to be the one who was brave, but then I saw the rat and I just hid in the corner of the couch. He kicked the rat out his front door, and then came and sat beside me. I woke up with my head on his chest. I was so embarrassed, but I didn't care."

"So he got it right? He... mattered?"

Bucky nodded shortly. "He mattered." He turned on his side again. "I'm going to sleep."  
"Okay." I looked at the things I had written down. We were remembering a lot of things, but sometimes it was hard to decipher memories from dreams.

"Winter?"

"Yeah?" We were whispering, but not for a particular reason; it just felt like we should.

"I think I may have been in love with Steve."

I dropped the pen. "Really?"

"I think so. In every memory, I care about him a lot. I just don't know, though. Isn't that wrong? For guys to like guys?"

"Charles found his boy kissing another boy yesterday. Disgusting is what that is," Dad told Mom.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bucky's leg start bouncing up and down under the table. "I never expected that boy to be like that," Mom looked disgusted, but her voice was emotionless.

"Isn't that illegal?" I tried to stay quiet during dinner, but sometimes I needed my questions asked.

"Who cares? They should be killed! That's everything our country is against!" My dad slapped his hand against the table. Now, Bucky's fingers were tapping against his leg, too. "Boys like girls, girls like boys. That's it."

Bucky shoveled more food into his mouth, but I tried not to watch him; I didn't want to bring him unnecessary attention from our parents.

"Didn't you know Charles' son, Jemma dear?" My mom smiled at me when I looked at her.

I shrugged and pushed my food around on my plate. "I've heard of him, yeah. His name's William, I think. He was always nice to me."

"All them faeries are nice. That's how they trick you. Then they go in those alleys and kiss boys. It ain't right. Sick is what they are."

"Who was it? The boy Willy kissed?" Bucky was finished eating, but he was still sitting down at the table.

"Some kid named John. I've never heard of him. I think he was only here for the day. Hope his family knows about his illness."

"Can I be excused?" I blurted out as soon as the last bite of my food was swallowed.

"May I?" Bucky was already rising out of his chair.

Ma waved her hand, "Go 'head."

So we put our dishes in the sink and walked up to our rooms. "Can I talk to you, Jem?"

I shrugged, "Sure." I hoped he would tell me why he was so mad at dinner. I sat on his bed.

He glanced at the door, then back at me. "Do you really think it's horrible for Willy to kiss a boy?"

"I guess. I mean, I don't really think it's a problem exactly. But it is weird. How would they ever have kids? The Bible says it should be boy and girl, doesn't it? And, isn't it an illness to like your gender?"

Bucky ran a hand down his face and sighed. "You're right. It just makes me mad because I-"

"You what?"

"I always knew Willy. I never expected that, I guess. I guess I just thought people got too mad about it. Love is love, right?"

I shrugged. "I don't know nothin' about love."

"Yeah. Me neither."

I stood up and gave him a quick hug. "It's alright, Buck. It's usually the people you don't expect that turn out the worst."

"I don't think being... like that makes them the worst, Jemma."

I stepped away from him. "Do you know someone like that? Because if you do, you need to tell someone."

He shook his head and looked down. "I don't know anyone."

"Because that's gross, Buck. It is. They wouldn't tell us it was horrible if it wasn't."

"I guess you're right. I feel bad for them, though.They don't have anyone to love, do they?"

"Some people just don't deserve it, I guess. Everything happens for a reason."

"I think it is, yeah."

"What was that?" He was staring at my face. "Why'd you just zone out?"

"I remembered something." So, I told him, and he wrote it down.

He sat the notebook down; he was sitting up again. "Jemma?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I used to be sick."

I rolled my eyes. "Everyone's been sick before."

He grabbed my arm and looked into my eyes. "No. I think I used to like boys."

I went limp. "What, why- how do you know?"

"Steve. I loved him. I think I did like girls, though. In all of my memories, there were always feelings for girls, but I did love Steve. I don't remember thinking about any other guy like that, but... I just don't know."

I looked at him. I couldn't recall any of his memories that involved girls, but we didn't share all of them. Sometimes we just wrote our own down. "Maybe you did."

"And you don't care?"

I looked down. "Well, it's not like you do now." I looked back up at him. "There's no one to love."

"I'm sorry about Jerome."

I shrugged. "It's fi-," my voice cracked, "ne."

Bucky hugged me. "Hey, Jemma?"

"Yeah?"

"What if he's not dead?'

I remembered his cries. I remembered his last yell, saying he loved me. "He's dead."

"Do you think they'll find us?"

"It's been a year. I don't think they're looking."

"Good."

We went silent again and I laid down beside him. "Bucky?"

He flinched at the sudden sound of thunder. "What?"

"What if Steve finds us?"

"I don't know..."

"I think maybe we should look."

"No. Absolutely not. We- I almost killed him last time! He's not going to want to see me. If he finds us, he'll turn us in. I've seen him when we walk around town. He's a hero, Jemma. He'll do the right thing, and that would be destroying us, locking us up. And we do deserve that, for all we've done, but we're finally fixing ourselves. I just want us to be okay."

"So, you're scared?" 

He flinched again at the thunder, "Yes. But it's not just that..."

"Then what else?"

"I'm terrified that maybe he won't turn us in. That maybe he does forgive us. Maybe he somehow convinces everyone else to, too. Then what? My feelings come back and everyone sends me away because it's wrong for me to feel that way!"

"He'll find us eventually."

"Maybe not."

"Bucky! We can't hide here forever!"

"We have no other choice!" He wasn't flincing anymore, but he still tensed up everytime the thunder boomed. "If one person realizes we're the winter soldiers, we're done. They'll turn us in, whether to the heroes or bad guys, I don't know. But we lose either way. We may want to be heroes, but after our past, we never will be again."

"I've done worse things you know. Before, before we found you, too, I was the main one to go on missions. At least, to go on the big ones. I did that for years before you came. And even after they caught you, it took you longer to break. You never cracked, but I did. Every. Time."

"We're both the bad guys."

"Do you think we should turn ourselves in?"

He shook his head. "No. They'll find us one day. If we can't hide for the rest of our lives, we can run."


	7. The One

*another year later.*

"I don't know who you're talking about," the man was on his knees, hands in the air. I kicked his chest and fell back. "Please. I swear."

James shot his thigh. "Try again."

"I've never even heard his name!"

I shot his other leg, and he screamed out. I saw a child peek out from the corner, but I ignored her. 

"Please don't kill me! I have a family."

I leaned down, "If you cared about your family, you wouldn't have betrayed Pierce."

"I didn't betray Pierce! I really didn't! I couldn't ever do that!"  
I punched him while James told him, "If you just admit to it, we can let you go. No harm done."

"You've already done harm, you assholes!"

I punched him again. "Tell us who knows!"

"You gotta keep me alive!"

James scoffed, "We don't gotta do anything!"

"You won't kill me. That's not your mission, soldiers."

So, I cocked the gun and put it against his forehead. "Wrong answer. Try again."

He leaned into it with a smirk. "My kid's watching, you really gonna make her watch her dad die?"

I stood up straight. "Your choice."

"I ain't tellin' you shit," he sneered.

I pulled the trigger.

I heard two girls scream. His daughter, her mom. I shrugged it off, and threw the gun to one of our backup soldiers. James and I walked out to a waiting Jerome.

"Ma'am? Are you alright?"

I leaned against the lady who was talking. Once I realized what I did, I immediately pulled away. I blinked. She was an older lady, but she looked healthy. Healthier than me, most likely. I nodded, "I'm okay."

"Are you sure? You looked like you were about to pass out."

"Jemma! There you are!" Bucky grabbed my arm, so I leaned into him.

"Oh, are you her boyfriend?"

Bucky shook his head. "Brother."

The lady smiled and nodded. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah. She just gets tired all of a sudden and needs to sit down."

The lady winked, "Sounds like someone may be inside you."

I blinked and tilted my head. "Wh- what are you talking about?" Was someone in my head?

"Have you taken a pregnancy test, sweetie?"

I chuckled and shook my head, relieved that that's what she thought. "No, no. It definitely couldn't be that. I haven't even looked at someone like that in two years."

"Donna!"

She turned. "Well, that's my husband! I hope you're okay, miss! And do find someone that you look at like that." She winked again then walked away.

I sighed and stood back up. Bucky grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd. We stopped at a line, but I couldn't see what the shop was. He leaned in, "A memory?"

I nodded. Then, I looked around; no one was paying attention to us. "A bad one."

"Fuck. I'm sorry. So sorry."

"It had you in it, so I'll tell you when we get home."

He nodded.

When we got home, Bucky unloaded our bags while I told him about the memory. He stayed silent after I finished. Then, he asked, "What should we eat?"

"Egg sandwiches?"

"Like Steve used to make?"

I nodded. "He was surprisingly good at cooking."

Bucky pulled the eggs and cheese out of the fridge, so I handed him the bread. We worked silently together before sitting down to eat our now-cooked meal. "We did a lot of things, didn't we?"

I sighed. "I always think it's the worst it can get, and then the next one is so much worse."

"It wasn't our fault, though, right? It was Hydra. They're the ones who made us do it."

I picked at my sandwich. "It was us, though. It was our bodies. Our minds. Yeah, hydra had control, but I broke out of it a couple times. We could've tried harder. It was that easy for us to escape, but we didn't. Seventy years is a long time to be in someone else's control."

"Do you think they're still controlling us?"

I took a bite, thinking. "I don't think they are right now. DIdn't we have to be there for them to have control?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right. I just don't want to do that again."

"We won't. We can't."

We reverted back to silence as we finished our sandwiches and rinsed the crumbs off our plates. "Hey, Bucky?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever have memories of Steve when we were all little kids. Not teenagers, actual kids."

Bucky nodded. "Of course."

I pulled my lip between my teeth, pinching a small area of skin, before letting it go. "I don't. It's always when we're older."

"I do. He was small then, too. He was always sick. I was usually at his house, and you're never there."

I sat back down, drumming my fingers on the table. "What do you think our life would've been like if we hadn't been turned into this?"

Bucky smirked, "We'd be dead by now." 

I couldn't help but chuckle. "You're right. But really, have you ever thought about it?"

"All the time." He sighed and sat across from me. "I think we would've still fought in the war, of course. I think Steve would've married that Peggy girl. They were cute. I'd probably still go from girl-to-girl without finding anyone I actually wanted to be with forever. Jerome would still be alive, so you'd have him. You guys would all have kids, and I could just be the cool uncle."

I stopped drumming my fingers and just looked at Bucky. "I wouldn't have met Jerome if it wasn't for Hydra. He was a doctor there. He tried to help me escape. He's why I ever went back."

"Fuck. I completely forgot. I'm so sorry, Jemma. I didn't even realize-"

I shrugged. "It's okay. Anyway," I looked at the corner; it was dirty, just like the rest of the house. "You would've found someone."

"I think Steve was the one. I know that makes me sick, and I know it's wrong. But it was just him for me. It's just weird to me because Steve had all of those illnesses, but he wasn't sick enough to feel that way about me."

"What is love anyway, Ma?" Steve asked his mom.

"Yeah, Mrs. Rogers. How'd you know Stevie's dad was the one?" Bucky was leaning against the counter, shoulder-to-shoulder with Steve.

Sarah smiled. "Well, young men," she winked at me, "and lady, I knew Joseph was the man for me the day I met him."

"How did you guys meet?" I loved love stories, and this sounded like a great one.

Sarah giggled. Even with how long they'd already been together, she still seemed excited to talk about it. That's what I hoped to have one day. "Now, I was walking down the street, and he bumped right into me. Of course, his friend began joking around, callin' me pretty and all that. He got embarrassed and walked away. Later that day, he came to my shop and said he asked around for me. He wanted to know if I'd like to see him again. Of course I said yes."

"And that's when you knew?"

Sarah nodded. "Sort of. It was also just the fact that when I was with him, I was so happy that I could physically feel it. Some girls would look at him and tell me he wasn't worth it, said he wasn't cute or special. They based everything off of looks. But we were young, so we all did."

"Did you think he was cute even though they didn't?"

"Now, of course I did, Bucky. You best know that I thought he was the cutest boy I'd ever seen. And maybe he really wasn't all that attractive, but his personality was always what I saw. His happiness was the most attractive thing about him. To see his smile was all I wanted."

I'd never felt that before; a part of me wondered if maybe I never would. Soul mates are special, and though everyone has one, you don't always find them. That's the way the world works sometimes. I wondered if Bucky and Steve ever would; I looked at them now to gauge their reactions. 

Bucky was staring at Steve. His eyes were always so soft around him. Steve wasn't looking at him, though; he was looking at his mom with confusion.

"What if I never find a girl that makes me feel like that?" Steve asked the question that had been on my mind.

"You will. All of you will." She now looked at Bucky, who was still staring at her son. "Your family will know they're the one when you both look at each other like no one else matters. When through their eyes, they can see that the one you love only cares about your happiness. That's when everything will fall into place." Bucky looked at her and realized she was looking at him; his eyes widened immediately. I watched her smile softly. "And maybe you've already found them."

"I think Steve was your one. I think that maybe you guys were supposed to end up together, or maybe this was the plan altogether. Maybe you were just supposed to meet, and maybe you were supposed to love each other. Maybe you were supposed to be the ones who taught the other how to love."

"You think so?"

"I just remembered it."

Bucky gripped our table with his right hand; his metal one stayed clenched on his lap. "Remember what?"

"Sarah, Steve's mom, well, one time we asked her how she knew that his dad was the one. She told us they met on the street, that she knew it was him the day she met him. She told us that he made her happier than ever. She said that you know someone's the one for you when you think they're attractive just because their personality is amazing. They're the one if even your whole family knows-"

"That their happiness is all you care about, and maybe we already had them," Bucky finished for me.

"You remember?"

Bucky nodded. "There's more, though. Before we left, she talked to only me and said she knew." Bucky stared at his arm and watched the metal move as he clenched and unclenched his fist. "She knew that I loved him, that he was my one. She knew and sh- she didn't think I was horrible for it. She didn't care. She said she knew that it was supposed to be me and Steve, that he looked at me like I looked at him, but we couldn't be together."

"The world's fucked," I replied, because I didn't know what else to say. What Bucky had just told me was true. It was supposed to be Steve and Bucky, but

"The world's fucked," Bucky repeated.


	8. Best Friends Don’t Forget Each Other

"Lookin' good, Barnes," one of the many boys outside of the park gates winked at me.

Steve looked at them. "Don't talk to her like that."

The boy chuckled. "Ain't like you'll do anything, fag."

Bucky stepped forward, putting us behind him. "Shut it, Cain."

The boy rolled his eyes. "Can't help it if your sister's hot, pal." He gestured toward Steve, "Besides, your friend is a fag. Surprised you didn't know that with the way he looks at you."

"He is not. You don't even know him," Bucky fixed his stance to how he stood when he was going to fight. I saw Steve raise his arm, probably to touch Bucky and calm him down like always, but then he looked at the other boys and dropped his hand.

I realized Steve wasn't going to be able to do anything without the boys saying he liked Bucky, so I took it upon myself. I grabbed his shoulder. "Come on, Buck. Just drop it."

"No, Jemma," he shrugged my hand off his shoulder. "People need to learn to leave us alone."

I looked to Steve frantically. He shook his head. "Bucky, just stop."

"Yeah, Bucky. Go," another one of the boys smirked at his own comment. They thought they were clever, but they were all idiots.

Bucky sneered. "Don't call me that. Stop being little assholes. If you aren't going to actually come over here and throw a punch at me, then stop flapping your lips!"

The boys walked toward us, "Hell, maybe we will. That sounds like a good time." He straightened his back so that he'd be as tall as Bucky, then smirked. "And maybe if I win, I can bring your sister home."

Bucky straightened his own back, making him taller than the boy again. "Ya gonna hit me?"

Another one of the boys spoke up. "Why you so violent today?"

Bucky sneered again. "'Cause you guys think it's cool to yell shit at my sister? You guys are fucking assholes, so knock it off!"

"Bucky, watch the language!" I glared. He always swore too much.

Bucky glared at me. "Now is not the time."

"Maybe I'll take the queer with me instead." The boys all looked at Steve. The one who had started this, most likely the "leader" of their group, winked. "Bet you'd like that, wouldn't ya? Or maybe you only want B-" 

Steve stepped forward and slammed his fist into the boy's stomach. He let out a light grunt, but didn't move. The boy paused for a second before throwing a punch right at Steve's nose. I flinched, expecting to hear a crack, but opened after a second. The boy's fist was in Bucky's hand.

"Don't try that shit again. Ever."

The boy's bottom lip quivered, but he bit it and nodded. "I'll leave you alone."

Someone else stepped forward. "Just let go, Barnes."

Bucky, surprisingly, did, and then watched them leave. No one glanced back at us. Bucky looked at Steve, "You good?"

Steve nodded. "Yeah. Just, out of breath." He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it and taking a drag.

I watched it burn. "Is- is it true?"

Steve flicked some of the ash on the ground, "Is what?"

I followed the smoke with my eyes. "Are you, well, you know... gay?"

Bucky glared. "Just because he has other illnesses doesn't mean he's sick like that!"

Steve just watched him; the cigarette dangled from his lips. I saw a piece of ash fall to the ground. It fell into a pile once it hit the ground. I looked away. "I just asked."

Steve dropped the cigarette and dug it into the dirt with the toe of his shoes. "I'm not like that, Jemma."

We started walking home. Steve walked in the middle with a Barnes twin on each one of his sides. The silence was making me jumpy, so I blew air from my cheeks. "You know, we could afford to get you a new pair of shoes."

Steve looked down at his feet, then at me. "These are fine. Thanks, though."

"Those are falling apart! You have to wear newspapers in them just to cover the holes! Tell him, Buck."

Bucky sighed and shook his head. "I've tried."

Bucky's Perspective:

"Bucky, you've gotta limit the swearing," Steve was standing in front of me with his arms crossed. I'm sure that looked intimidating to everyone else, but all I saw was the skinny kid in Brooklyn alleys.

I rolled my eyes. "And why's that? Everyone else swears. That's the way the world works, Stevie."

"We do, yeah, but not as much as you. You're worse than everyone else by far."

"You sound like Jemma," I pretended my voice didn't crack before I said her name.

"Maybe she was right." He looked behind him before stepping closer to me and lowering his voice, "They told me to limit your cussing. I'm supposed to be in charge, so can't you just listen?"

I smirked. "You're not very good at this captain stuff yet, Rogers."

I saw Steve's upper lip twitch. "Bucky, please." He uncrossed his arms.

"Fine. I'll try." I couldn't resist him, not that I'd ever say that out loud.

Steve finally allowed himself to grin, "Thanks, Buck. I owe ya one."

I nudged him, forcing myself to say, "Maybe a date with Miss Carter?"

"You tryna steal the only person I've ever had a chance with?"

I wanted to tell him that he's always had a chance with me, but he didn't really. We weren't allowed to be together, so that's not much of a chance. Besides, Steve wasn't a queer like me. No one knew I was, though, and I prayed no one ever would; if Steve found out, he'd never talk to me again.

Why was he even talking to me now?

He had anyone to choose from, but he still stayed by my side. Sometimes I hated all of the attention he was getting, I honestly did. I hated that everyone loved him, that I was now the one in the shadows. I hated that Steve didn't need me anymore. But then I realized that I shouldn't hate it because this is what Steve deserves. I couldn't keep Steve to myself forever.

Everyone should love Steve. He was better than anyone else I'd ever known. What he truly hated was the fact that it took the serum for everyone to take Steve seriously. It was complete bullshit that no one cared about his heart of pure gold when he was that skinny little kid. Now everyone wanted him? It shouldn't be like that.

"Steve?"

"Yeah, Buck?"

I looked at the beds. Steve said we could share a room like we've always done, but this time there were two beds, not one. Steve's body finally produced heat now, so we'd never have to share again. It was probably for the best, but it became another thing that I hated.

"Just don't forget about me, okay?"

"What are you talking about, Bucky?"

I didn't want to sound annoying, but I wanted to tell him how I was feeling. "Everyone loves you now, Steve. I just don't want you to start loving all of them, too, and just leave me. I know I don't deserve this friendship, but I really don't want everyone to steal you from me- oof."

Steve was hugging him now. He had to be bending down because his head was on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky stood on his toes to raise himself up to Steve's height. "I won't ever forget you, Buck. You're my best friend. Best friends don't ever forget each other."

I sat up, wiggling out of the sleeping bag so I could stand. I looked at Jemma, who was still sleeping peacefully. I sighed, and grabbed my notebook off of the floor. I sat at the kitchen table and wrote about the memory.

Best friends don't ever forget each other.

I could feel my eyes watering as I stared down at the paper. I watched a drop fall onto it, spreading onto my ink.

Best friends don't ever forget each other.

Then how could I ever forget Steve?

Best friends don't ever forget each other.

I forgot Steve. I forgot him. He mattered and I still forgot him. 

Best friends don't ever forget each other.

I don't deserve him. No one deserved to be forgotten. Now that I was finally remembering him, I realized how much I truly cared for him before all of this. I realized that I really didn't want to forget him again. I couldn't be captured again. I couldn't ever forget him again because

Best friends don't ever forget each other.

Especially not when they're in love.


	9. Stevie

"You got a girl back home, Barnes?" Jones asked him.

I paused; I could feel the picture of Steve in my pocket. So, I decided to lie, because I didn't think I'd end up going home anyway. "Yeah, yeah. 'Course I got a gal."

"What's her name?"

I didn't hesitate, "Stevie?"

Sawyer smirked, "Show us her picture."

I shook my head, resisting the urge to just show them the picture of Steve. But Steve wasn't my girl, just a buddy; I couldn't show them his picture. "Ain't got one, pal."

-darkness-

I opened my eyes again to see a different place.

I was on my stomach. I looked up to see Jim Morita, whose eyes were wide and showed his panic. "They're coming. Get down!"

I saw everyone else jump down beside us, raising their guns over the wall of dirt. I followed their lead.

-darkness-

I opened my eyes again. All I could see was soldiers, but not our own. The 107th members followed them. We'd been captured, but I wasn't scared.

This was war. I knew I wasn't going to make it back home, back to Steve. But I didn't think this would be how I was going to go. I thought Steve would at least have a body to bury.

I prayed he'd be okay. I prayed he'd find someone else.

A soldier was walking beside me. He was one of ours, but I didn't know his name. Or maybe I did, but I couldn't remember it. He spoke up, "I didn't expect this to be how I go, Barnes."

I shook my head, "Me neither."

I didn't want to die. Not yet. I didn't want to leave Steve alone. He didn't have anyone else. What if he got sick again? He couldn't afford his medicine, and he was too stubborn to ask anyone for help. What if he had an asthma attack, but didn't have his cigarettes?

My heart dropped: what if he enlisted again and got picked?

I already had a hard time keeping him alive in the streets; I prayed that he could survive off the basic fighting I'd already taught him, but he fought too many people already. He wouldn't stop just because these people had guns. He would die.

I could feel my chest tightening. I tried taking a deep breath, but after I inhaled, I couldn't get any more air in my lungs. I tried to focus on something else, anything else, but all I could see was Steve laying on the ground. He was covered in blood, bullet holes showing on his whole body.And it would be all my fault.

I couldn't convince him not to fight. I couldn't convince him to just stay home. And, I couldn't convince the army to let me stay home.

Steve didn't know, but I hadn't enlisted.They drafted me. When I tried to stay home, to explain that Steve needed my help, they said I'd be shipped off the next day. And I had no other choice but to leave.

I couldn't help but wonder how Steve would react once he got the message. He was all I had and everyone knew it, so he'd be the one they told. He'd be the one who found out I was gone.

All he had left was the picture in his pocket.

Jemma's Perspective:

We were eating (eggs again) when Bucky sighed. "I had another memory. It was when I got captured. The first time."

It was my turn to sigh. "You were scared?"

I watched Bucky twist his fork between his fingers. "Yeah, but not because I knew I was going to be tortured. I was scared that Steve wouldn't be okay since I wasn't coming home. It was before I knew he was in the army, and I was so scared that they'd let him in. That he'd get picked and shipped off because they ran out of soldiers with me and the rest of the 107th gone."

"Bucky?"

"Yeah?"

I bit the inside of my cheek. "He loved you, too. He really did. I saw the way you both looked at each other. I don't even know if I looked at Jerome like that. I think we should look for him. I'm sure he'd hide us out. I'm sure he'd love to see us, to see you. You know that, right?"

Bucky dropped his fork. "We can't! If we could, I would. I'd find him right now. But I don't deserve his love. I never did, but shit," he shook his head, "I really don't now." I saw his bottom lip quiver and my own chest began to hurt because of it. "I just want to have a normal life. I can't do that to Steve. So, just don't ask again."

I shook my head and looked at my plate. I could see the majority of the bottom. "I won't ask again." His voice was harsh, but I understood why. I didn't like talking about Jerome, and it seems like Bucky's feelings for Steve were stronger.

And definitely more confusing.

I bounced my leg as I tried to remember something else to write in my notebook. I just wanted to remember everything, but I couldn't. I still didn't know why my parents died; I still didn't remember how I really met Jerome; I didn't remember why I had been in New York alone all those years ago, or why I left. And it was horrible.

But I knew that Bucky liked boys. I knew Bucky liked Steve. I wish I could do something, but Bucky was right. Besides, how did I really know if Steve would hide us or turn us in? We were bad guys now, and Steve was the greatest hero on Earth. I sighed.

"Was it weird for you to be taller than Barnes after the serum?" The redhead girl from my New York trip said.

"Tasha, leave him alone," I recognized Clint.

Steve shook his head, "No, it's fine. I understand the questions." He looked away from them. "Yeah. It was weird. I'd always had to look up to see his face, always had to stand on my toes to even try to hug him. Now, I'd have to lean down. It was just a lot different."

"That's understandable."

Steve smiled weakly. "I joked with him once. I told him that with the serum, he wouldn't have to wait around for me anymore."

"What did he say?"

Steve's head dropped, along with his smile. "That he never minded to wait around for me. He said he even liked taking care of me. I guess because it showed we were really friends, but I never did anything like that for him." He smiled again, but this time it was real. "I never deserved him, but I was so glad to call him my best friend."

-darkness.-

"There's a lot of things different nowadays, Peter." Steve was talking to a young boy, who couldn't be older than sixteen. He had dark hair and bright eyes, like Bucky. 

The boy, Peter, nodded. "Yeah, it is. I think."

Steve grinned. "I was hoping you could help me? Just tell me about how some things are like now, if you could."

Peter nodded enthusiastically. "I'd love to. Is there anything you really want to know about?"  
Steve shrugged. "Start with the big stuff. I know about phones and the internet and all that, though."

Peter nodded, then stood up. "Well, I think the biggest change is probably the acceptance of, um, lgbt people?"

"And that is?"

"Well, it stands for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and trans. Lesbians are girls that like girls, gays are boys that like boys, and bisexuals like both."

"And trans?"

Peter smiled, "It's when a person changes their gender. Like if a boy feels more feminine, sometimes they'll choose to identify as a woman. Or vice versa. People even get surgery to be the ender they want."

Steve nodded. "And that's... accepted now?"

Peter sighed. "It's supposed to be, yeah. Most people do support them and many people just don't really care. There's always a couple people that hate it, though. Some people are just really close-minded, you know?"

"Even bisexuals? You can like... both?"

"Yeah, yeah, people like both." Peter fidgeted with his hands, avoiding Steve's eyes. "I, uh, well I'm one of them."

Steve looked at him with a tilted head. "Bisexual?"

Peter nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I've liked boys before, but I still feel things for girls."

"And people don't mind that?" Steve seemed surprised that people really did seem to accept this. Finally.

Peter shrugged and finally looked back up at him. "Not many people know. I'm afraid to tell people, honestly. You never really know who will still love you after you tell them."

Steve smiled. "Well, if it counts, I still love you."

Peter beamed. "It does. A lot. Thank you." Then he looked to the closed door. He leaned in and mumbled, "But don't tell anyone else. My aunt knows and a couple people from school, but I haven't told Mr. Stark because I don't know if-"

Steve touched his arm lightly and nodded. "I won't tell anyone. But honestly? I don't think Tony would mind."

Peter thanked him and leaned back. "Anyway, yeah. That's one of the biggest changes. There's also pride month where everyone parades around..." He slowly stopped talking when he noticed Steve staring at the ground. He obviously wasn't listening to what Peter was now saying. "Uh, Mr. Rogers?"

Steve looked up, then blinked and shook his head. "Sorry, what?"

"Are you okay? If you don't like talking about this, then I can sto-"

"How'd you know you were bisexual?"

Peter's mouth fell open, almost comically. "Wh- what?"

Steve sighed. "Sorry. I was just wondering how you realized that it wasn't just one gender?"

Peter sat back down. "I had a few girlfriends and I liked them. Kissing them was cool. But eventually," he blushed, "well, this is kind of weird, but girls just stopped turning me on?" Steve nodded for him to continue, so he did. "And well," he hesitated again, "God, this is embarrassing."

Steve shook his head. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable."

Peter sighed. "No, it's okay. I want to help, but you might look at me differently."

"I won't if you won't."

That seemed to be enough for Peter because he finally continued. "Ned dared me to look at naked guys online. It was just supposed to be a joke, but ended up being the thing that actually made me realize what I wanted. I pushed the feelings away and didn't think about them unless I was absolutely alone. Eventually, I started liking girls again, but I couldn't stop liking boys either. I guess that was it for me." Steve stayed silent. I knew why, but obviously Steve didn't yet. "What's with all these questions anyway? My friend's like, completely gay if you'd like him to tell you about that, too."

Steve shook his head, "Well, I think I'm-" He stopped talking when the door knob turned. Bucky walked in and Steve stared at him; he had that soft smile on his face and his eyes were bright as soon as Bucky entered the room. Peter looked at him and smiled knowingly. He obviously found out why Steve wanted to know about being bisexual; specifically, how you knew.

I walked in behind Bucky, making me stop. This must be a dream; how could there be two of me? That's when I remembered something else from before Hydra: I could see things before they happened. I yelled, "Bucky!" No one looked my way, which proved that this wasn't a dream, and since it certainly wasn't a memory, that meant it'd be happening sometime in our future.

Steve was going to find us after all, and apparently everything would be okay.

But how was I going to tell Bucky about this?

I opened my eyes when I heard the door open. I turned to see Bucky, who had gone out to get another notebook; he had filled his up entirely. "Hey, Jem," he looked at my own notebook that I was sitting in front of, "did you remember something while I was gone?"

I looked down. The page was empty, begging for me to write down what I had seen, but it hadn't been a memory. Was I supposed to know about it? Hydra's the reason I had these powers, didn't that mean it wasn't a good thing?"

"Jemma?"

I looked back at Bucky and shook my head. Then, nodded. Then, I shrugged. "Well, I've actually got to tell you something. I did remember something, but I don't really know and I-"

"Just tell me," he moved to sit by me.

"I remembered something that happened when Hydra had me, before they had you." I sighed. Was he even going to believe me? "I could see things before they actually happened."

"Are you... serious?" Bucky didn't even look suspicious.

I nodded. "Yeah, yeah. And I think I just saw something that's going to happen."

I saw him flex the fingers of his left arm, the metal one; I looked away. "Good or bad?"

"Good. I think."

"What was it then?" His arm was no longer moving, and his eyes actually showed signs that he seemed hopeful.

I grinned. "Steve. He finds us."

"What? No. There's no way. How is that good?"

My grin dropped at his harsh tone. I should've known he wouldn't be happy. "You really don't want him to find us, do you?"

"No! I hurt him. I fought him, I made him fight me, I forgot."

"That wasn't your fault! It wasn't either of us! Not really!"

Bucky slammed his hand on the table, but I didn't move. He didn't scare me; I could win if we fought and we both knew it. "It was us! It doesn't matter if Hydra had control or not because we're the ones who gave in and let them get control."

"If either of us should blame ourselves, then it should be me. You held out for twenty years; I didn't even last five." I stood up and threw my notebook on my bed. I grabbed my jacket and hat; I needed to go for a walk. Away from Bucky. Neither of us said anything until I opened the door. Then I looked back at him. "Just so you know, Steve didn't throw us out. And he still loved you." That was when I walked out. 

Steve's Perspective:

I followed the team into the building. Criminals were holding people hostage in different rooms. Once inside, we circled around, and everyone looked at me. They expected me to tell them what to do, so I did. "Natasha and Clint, you'll go to the basement. There are three rooms down there and five guards. You guys should be able to handle that. They do think that one guard may have fire powers, but we aren't sure who. Stay alert." They moved immediately, heading to the stairs. "Stark, take Banner to the middle floor. There's ten rooms and twenty guards, two at each. It'll be hard, but Banner get angry and you should be able to take nineteen of them down. The last one is yours, Stark. We need a level head to take the girl. She has powers, too; we aren't sure what, so stay safe. Stark, fly you both out of there as soon as things get too bad. Thor and I will go to the top floor. We can use the hammer to escape if need be. Thor, I'll explain on the way."

We all went our separate ways to go up the stairs. While walking, I explained to Thor that there were only five rooms, but they were heavily protected. "The children in the rooms will be terrified and may be too scared to trust us. Our main concern is getting the guards down. There's at least five on each door, and ten of those have powers. Beware for ice, telekinesis, teleporting, anything you can think of." He nodded without saying anything else and we made it to the hallway door.

Thor swung his hammer in a circle before slamming it into the door. It fell off the hinges instantly. Everyone looked prepared to fight. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" A girl stepped forward; her gun was the only one not raised. She had dark skin and her hair was in a bushy ponytail. She had a red bandana wrapped around her forehead. She wore a simple leather jacket over a black shirt. Her jeans were tucked into her boots. She looked pretty, but that didn't make her any less intimidating. 

"We're the Avengers," Thor responded.

One of the guys snorted, "Thought there were more of you."

I ignored him, looking back at the girl. She seemed to be the leader considering everyone was watching her. "Let the kids go."

The girl twirled her hair with her index finger and popped her gum. I remembered how mad Jemma used to be when girls did that. "Not until we get our money, sugar."

"We'll get you the money," I lied. I knew she wouldn't fall for it, but I could try.

"Sure you will."

Thor yelled, "Give us the kids." In seconds, there were knives and guns pointed at us.

The girl shook her head. "You don't want to do this."

"That's what they all say," then I threw the shield at her. It hit her chest and the man from before threw a knife. I dodged out of the way. Thor threw the hammer, hitting three men that were standing together.

I noticed then that she was the only dark-skinned person in the room. It didn't matter, skin color had never mattered to me, but that kind of thing mattered when I had been a kid. A part of me would always hear my dad's judgemental remarks.

I flipped toward her, stepping on my shield so it'd come up to my hand. She took her own knife out of her boot and threw it at me. I blocked it with my shield before kicking her down. I heard more bodies fall, and I assumed Thor was hitting them with his hammer. The girl threw herself back up, so I used the side of my shield to hit her nose. I heard a crack, but I couldn't look because her men surrounded me. I had to admit, they were loyal.

I heard cries from the room. The children. I threw a punch at one of the men's guts. When I knocked the knife from another, someone cut my stomach. It was light, but it still stung. I kicked at them. Soon enough, they were all on the ground. 

I was about to focus my attention on the girl again when I heard Thor grunt. I ran over to him, flipping one of the men to the side. I threw a punch at another and Thor finally raised his hand. The hammer flew past my head and into his hand. All the men were finally on the ground and the lady was just beginning to stand when Thor said, "Thanks for the help, Steve."

I chuckled lightly, "You couldn't handle them yourself?"

I expected a remark, but I didn't get one. I looked at Thor and that's when I realized why. He wasn't Bucky. I was used to being able to make remarks like that and have something said back to me. After all this time, I still wasn't used to that not being the case anymore. I always ended up saying something, but when I didn't get the usual response back, I realized.

"You guys will never defeat us. Not truly," my thoughts were interrupted by the girl who was now standing. "We will be back." Then before I could react, she was one. Teleportation.

"No one else had powers."

"I thought you noticed that, Captain." Thor unlocked the first door, so I went to the second. I heard Thor tell the kids that it was okay, that they were safe now. I did the same. The kids in this room were teenagers. There were two girls and three boys, and they were all huddled in the corner.

"You're Cap- Captain America," one of the boys, who appeared to be the oldest, pointed out. All of them were naked except for their underwear, and I could see every bone.

I nodded. "Yeah, yeah. It's me. It's okay. She's gone now."

The boy stood, along with the other two and one girl. The last girl stayed in the corner even though everyone else was walking toward me. "How do we know it's really you?"

I looked to the other kids to see if they understood what she meant. They stopped walking and stared at me. The boy straightened his back and stood in front of everyone else. "If you're really Captain America, then where are the rest of the Avengers?"

I pointed my thumb out the door. "Thor's right here. Everyone else is downstairs."

"Prove it."

I hesitated before putting my finger to my earpiece. "Stark, do you copy?"

"What do you need, Cap?"

The boy looked back at the girl, "It's really him, Kay." The other kids nodded in agreement.

Suddenly the girl screamed, "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" I was flung backwards to the opposite wall.

Powers.

Maybe it wasn't the guards who had them, maybe the kids did.

Thor stepped into the room, "What's going on?" I decided to let him handle it; maybe they'd listen to him more.

The girl was crying, and I didn't risk going back over there. Instead, the kids from the room Thor had just been in walked over to me. The youngest one looked like he was about six years old. He hugged me, so I hugged back. "Are you okay, kid?"

He nodded. "I love you, Captain America."

I smiled. This was the best part of being a hero. "I love you, too, kid." I sat him down against the wall as I stood. "Stay right here. I'm going to let your friends out."

One of the girls handed me my shield. She had dark hair and bright blue eyes. Her nose was wide and when she smiled, she was missing a tooth in the front. She looked like Jemma. I stared at her, not moving. Her smile faltered, "Captain, Captain America?..."

I shook my head, "Sorry, sorry." I smiled. "Thank you." I put the shield on my back and opened another door. These kids were younger than the ones sitting outside. They were all crying, but sitting separately. There were six of them, and none of them looked up when I walked in. 

I crouched down at the door. "Hey, guys. Look at me."

They slowly did. A boy sitting against the farthest wall smiled. "I know you!"

"You do?" I smiled back. I didn't want another incident, and these kids were too young to help it. 

"You're, you're a Venger!"

I nodded. "I am. The other Avengers are here, too. They're helping your friends out."

The boy shook his head, "No they aren't."

One of the girls crossed her arms. "We don't have friends."

I tried to ignore the pang in my chest. They were so young, so tiny. They didn't deserve this; none of them did. "Hey! I'm big, not tiny!" A little girl with curly blonde hair stared at me. How did she know I thought that? 

The boy beside her (with matching hair- twins?) spoke up, "We hear your mind words."

"Mind words? You mean you can read my thoughts?"

"We don't know how to read!" They yelled at the same time.

I nodded, deciding not to push it any farther. They were too little to understand. "We have to leave now, okay?" I pointed out of the room, to the other kids, who were patiently watching me. "Go sit with them and I'll be right there." They, surprisingly, did as I said.

Thor had the other kids out, too. The one girl was still crying, but she was in the arms of the first boy. He looked at me apologetically when we made eye contact. I smiled back reassuringly. It wasn't their fault, and her reaction was more than understandable.

Thor was in the last room, so when I walked by, I said, "When you're done, take them all downstairs. I'll get the last room."

He nodded and before I was even fully in the next room, he had two people following after him. They had to be at least twenty. A boy and girl. They were holding hands as they followed after Thor. 

A part of me wanted to stare at their joined hands. That part of me wanted to scream at them for being lucky enough to have each other. But I knew that wasn't right. They were barely even holding on to life; they needed each other. I kicked open the last door, which was the only door with a lock on it.

I grabbed my shield before walking in. It had to be someone dangerous or there wouldn't be a lock. Who could be worse than a girl with powerful screams?

I stopped when I saw the pregnant woman.


	10. I Don’t Deserve to Find Him

I saw a girl, a young girl, sitting on a bed in the room. It was the only room that even had a bed. Her stomach was sticking out, not far, but I knew there was a human inside her. My nose wrinkled at the smell of vomit. I gagged when I saw a pile of it in the corner.

The girl stared at me. "Please don't hurt me."

I shook my head. I put my shield back and raised my hands, palms out. "I'm not here to hurt you. I'm trying to help. They're gone. You're safe now."

She had a hand on her stomach. "I know you from somewhere."

I nodded slowly, trying to appear helpful. I didn't know what mental state she was in. Considering her situation and how young she looked, I knew it couldn't be good. "I'm Captain America, from the Avengers?"

I heard sirens and we both looked to the side, but there was no window to see if anyone was actually coming. In my ear, I heard Clint, "Cap, hurry up."

I put my hands out toward her, begging that she'd take them. She stood shakily, using the bed to help her, and then she took my hands. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I tried helping her. When we got to the stairs, I looked at her. She was pale and shaking in my arms. She wouldn't be able to walk down them, so I slid my arms under her legs. I felt her flinch, but I kept walking. We had to hurry; there was no telling if someone had planted a bomb in here. That's the kind of thing people did.

When we finally got outside of the building, I yelled, "Help! This girl needs medical attention. Now!" I was immediately surrounded by EMTs and they had a stretcher. I laid the girl on it.

I started to walk away. I wanted to find the rest of the kids and make sure everyone else was alright.

"No! Wait!" I turned back at the girl's cries. I immediately ran back over. "Please don't leave me alone," she looked around, "with them."

One of the girls spoke up, "We're here to help." She looked just like the girl from inside, so I tightened my grip on the stretcher and glared at her. It could be her. It wouldn't take much for her to pretend to be an EMT.

"I'm staying," I stated. Then, I placed my attention back on the girl, "Do you have family that knows you're missing?"

The girl's lip quivered when she shook her head. "N- no. They don't, they don't care if I'm dead or alive. They kicked me out when I, when I got pregnant," she hiccuped. 

I shook my head. "Hey, it's alright. It's okay. You've got me now. It's okay."

The girl was crying as they rolled her into the ambulance. I got in right after her. "I don't even want this baby. I definitely don't want it if it's anything like me."

I rubbed her head, "What's wrong with being like you?"

She coughed, and I watched for blood, but thankfully there were no signs of it. "Because sometimes I do things that I don't mean, and sometimes, and sometimes it hurts people."

"...what kinds of things?" I realized then that I didn't even know her name.

The girl closed her eyes. "One time I, one time I started a fire at school just by rolling my eyes when I got annoyed. And I yelled at my friend once and the whole world just stopped. Everyone literally stopped moving, but me. After I calmed down, it was normal again, and no one even noticed." The EMTs sitting beside us, thankfully not the girl from before, tried not to look at us, but I knew they were listening. "When I got mad or upset in that room, I could see the guards on the other side. When my parents kicked me out, it started raining, and when my boyfriend broke up with me after I told him, it snowed." Superpowers. 

"It's okay. We'll figure it out," I assured her. Then I touched my earpiece, "Someone tell Fury to get to the hospital as soon as he can."

"On it, Captain," Natasha replied.

The girl's eyes snapped open and she stared at me. "Are you turning me in?"

I shook my head, "No, no. We're going to-"

"Who's Fury?" She asked. Before I could even reply, she yelled, "Tell me who Fury is."

"Uh, Mr. America, sir?" I looked at them. They were looking at a screen that showed her vitals. "We're going to need you to calm her down. This isn't good for her baby." They were right, I know, and I also knew that if she got too mad, it wouldn't be good for anyone.

I nodded, rubbing the girl's hand. "He's my friend. He knows a lot about what you're going through. I promise I won't leave you alone with him if that's not okay with you. I just want to help people."

She calmed down almost immediately. A part of me wondered if she was always like this or if she was usually calm. "Okay, okay. I'll talk to him. But you can't leave."

I nodded. There was no reason to argue with her, considering I wouldn't have to leave. "If I'm going to stay, though, I'll need your name."

She nodded. "Right. Sorry. My name is Autumn." She giggled lightly, "I was born in October. My sister's summer and she was born in June." I nodded and smiled because she seemed to think it was cool. 

All I could think was Autumn, Autumn, Autumn. Just like Winter. "Winter, Winter, Winter." I closed my eyes.

"Hey! Why is your middle name Winter?" I asked Jemma. We were sitting in their living room. She was on the floor, while I sat on the couch beside Bucky.

She smiled and answered, "After my mom." I tilted my head. "The 'win' part. Her name's Winnifred. They were going to name me Winnie, but they didn't want to make it too similar. So they called me Winter. It was snowing when we were born."

I nodded. "It's cool. Jemma Winter Barnes." I smiled, really cool.

Bucky nudged me, "What about my name? I'm cooler than her!"

I chuckled. "Yeah, Bucky's cool. I just like her name, too."

Then Bucky smirked. "Well guess what, Steven." Before I could reply, he said, "Your name isn't cool, fat-head!"

Jemma yelled, "Bucky!"

But I didn't care. I knew Bucky was kidding; he'd been my best friend for years, and he always joked around with me like this. Bucky lightly punched my arm; I didn't react, but it honestly hurt a bit. "Oh, shove it, Jem. Stevie knows I'm kidding."

Her eyebrows raised, but she didn't say anything.

I smiled softly at the memory. Life had been hard back then, but at least I had Bucky and Jemma. I'd had Bucky a lot longer, before and after Jemma was around. We'd been friends since we were kids; Jemma just didn't know because we usually only hung out outside of the houses.

"What are you thinking about?" Autumn asked me. "And who's Winter?"

I shook my head, "Just a girl I used to know."

She smirked, wiggling her eyebrows. "Oh, a lover?"

I shook my head, laughing."Something like that, I suppose."

After Autumn was put in the hospital room, they told us that no visitors were allowed. I told her I'd wait in the waiting room, and I'd be in as soon as I was allowed.

I usually wouldn't wait around like this for someone. Saving them had always been enough for me, and she was safe now. But something about her just made me want to stay. I knew there was a chance that I just felt bad for her, but I also knew that she was very pretty. 

I thought about the ride over here. For an ambulance, it had been surprisingly calm. Sometimes the best way to deal with something is to pretend that it isn't happening, and that's definitely what we did.

"Rogers," I looked up, expecting a doctor, but it was Fury.

I stood, walking toward him. "We need to talk."

Jemma's Perspective:

I was walking through town, not knowing where else to go while I calmed down. "The Avengers saved the day once again." I looked up to see a crowd of people. They were all staring at the screen where someone was talking. I slid between people, making my way to the front. "Captain America was seen getting in the ambulance with a lady. He seemed more worried about her than anyone else. Most people believe it may have been his lover."

I took a step back. Lover. Maybe he didn't love Bucky after all. He may have moved on, but if he truly loved Bucky, he wouldn't have. He would've looked for him, but he didn't. He knew we were alive, but instead of caring, he just found someone knew.

"Oh! We've just been informed that the young woman is pregnant! It sounds like our local hero is going to be a dad!" With the reporter's last words, I turned and walked back through the crowd.

I wanted to go home; I wanted to apologize to Bucky. I had been wrong, too hopeful. Steve didn't love us; he had just been doing his job. I thought things could eventually go back to normal, but Bucky was right: we were the bad guys.

Steve's Perspective:

"So, you think this random girl you found has powers?" Fury looked unimpressed after I told him what Autumn had told me.

"Yes. Stuff like that doesn't just happen, and it sounds like it's somehow connected to her emotions."

Fury waved his hand. "Fine. We'll take care of it. We'll take her to headquarters, run some tests. You head on back to the tower."

"No. I'm staying here."

"And why's that exactly?"

I hesitated. Why did I really want to stay? "I don't know. I just don't want to leave her. And I told her I'd wait for her, so that's what I'm going to do," I said.

Fury sighed. "Fine. You wait for her. As soon as they let her out of here, you call me." Then he walked out of the hospital.

I watched him until he was out of sight, then I went back to the waiting room. I slumped down in the chair and put my hand over my face. I prayed no one would recognize me as I thought about my feelings.

I thought about Natasha. She had wanted me to find a girl the whole time we were on our mission two years ago. I hadn't looked for anyone since then. I never wanted a girl when Bucky was around; his friendship had always been enough for me. But he wasn't around anymore. He had run off, and I couldn't find him even though I looked.

But how did I know which way I cared about Autumn? Was she just a friend to me or more? I hoped she could be more because I didn't like not having anybody, but I also wasn't even sure if I wanted somebody.

Relationships took work, and I didn't know if I was ready for that. I'd never been in a relationship with anyone before, but I knew you needed time and energy to have a healthy one. Besides, Autumn had a baby on the way and she just had the most traumatic experience someone could have. Put superpowers on top of that? Well, I wasn't sure how well I could handle it all at once.

The closest thing I'd ever had to an actual relationship was with Peggy, and that had only been a few kisses and a lot of feelings. That wasn't enough to know what I was doing. The other person that I had feelings for was Bucky... 

I wasn't even supposed to feel things for Bucky! He was my best friend and he was a boy. A boy who liked girls, not me. He liked girls because he wasn't sick. He liked girls because he was normal. And I knew that even if he did like boys, he wouldn't like me.

He pitied me, of course he did. How could he not? I was small, fragile. I always needed someone to take care of me, so he did. I was like a child, and he probably only saw me as a little brother at best. He would never look at me as anything else because he deserved the world.

Bucky Barnes deserved the greatest person alive because he was amazing. I never deserved him. He had taken care of me all these years, but when I was finally strong enough to take care of him, I didn't. I got him killed. Well, actually, he didn't even die, he was captured. Hydra got him again, and they had him all those years. I never found him; I just stopped looking. And now that's what I was doing again.

I didn't even deserve to find him.


	11. What if We Didn’t Have a Choice?

*one year later*

Autumn had her baby six months ago, three days after her own birthday. It was a girl; Autumn named her Amara Raine. She was adorable, and Autumn always brought her over to the tower when we weren't busy.

Autumn and I had gotten closer over the past year. She had been a little over three months pregnant that day. Thankfully, her parents had accepted her back into their lives, so she was staying with them again. Her boyfriend still wouldn't contact her, but I told her it was probably for the best.

Surprisingly, the trauma hadn't hit her too hard. The first six months, she had nightmares almost every night. Her mom had helped her through it, staying with her as long as she needed. She told me that after she had Amara, it didn't bother her anymore. The past was in the past.

I didn't tell her the girl was still out there, but a part of me worried she'd find Autumn and the baby again. I couldn't have them worried, too, so I kept the thoughts to myself.

"What time is Autumn bringing the baby?" Natasha walked into my room. I was sitting on my bed (with a red, white, and blue bed set- thanks to Tony), reading a book Bruce had given me.

I looked at the clock on my wall, "In... five minutes! Shit."

"Language, Rogers. But, you better get prepared for your girl."

I rolled my eyes. "She's not my girl."

"Come on. Just give her a chance. Don't you think she's pretty?"

"Just let me get dressed, Nat," I closed the door, but I could still hear her laughing.

I sighed. She was right and I knew it. So why didn't I do something about it? Of course I liked Autumn. But all I could think about was Bucky. I know he'd want me to find someone; he'd want me to move on, even if he didn't know he was the one I was moving on from. But all I wanted was him.

Bucky and I were walking into our tent when I pulled him back out to look at the sky. It was dark and there was no visible moon, so all we saw was stars. I stared in awe. It was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. The brightness of the twinkling stars against the black sky. I smiled. "When you can see the whole sky like this, it just makes you realize how small you really are."

Bucky laughed. "You'd know all about being small, Steve." I looked at him; my smile didn't even falter. "I guess you're not small anymore, though," he said. Then he looked at me, and that's when my smile faltered.

His eyes were sparkling as bright as the stars. I stared into them. I realized then that I had seen something as pretty as the sky, and Bucky's eyes were definitely prettier. He was still smiling as he looked back at me. I saw the hope and happiness twinkling, and I hoped it'd always be there.

Bucky cupped my face, and I instantly put my forehead against his. "Your eyes are so pretty, Stevie."

I smiled. "My eye-" I stopped talking when he closed his eyes. I closed mine too, and tilted my head down. I could feel his breath on my lips when-

"Captain?"

My eyes snapped open, and I jumped away from Bucky. I saw his face fell, but I didn't pay attention as I turned to greet whoever had interrupted us. "Here," I stepped forward.

It was one of the soldiers. When he raised his hand, I saw my mask. "You left this."

I nodded and smiled weakly. My heart was still racing; it wasn't that I had almost kissed the one person I'd ever really wanted to, but the fact that we almost got caught terrified me. "Yeah, yeah. Thank you."

"You alright? You look a bit pale."

I resisted the urge to throw up. He didn't know; he didn't see us. He didn't, didn't, didn't. I nodded. "I'm okay. Think I'm just tired is all," I said.

That seemed to convince him because all he did was nod and walk away.

I looked at the ground, and didn't look back up until I was in the tent. I heard Bucky come in after me, but I ignored him. I couldn't believe I had leaned in like that. It was so wrong. They probably wouldn't do anything to me if they had seen us, since I had just saved the 107th. I was Captain America. But if we had been caught, they wouldn't be so kind to Bucky. I felt my breathing quicken as I held my palms against my eyes. All I saw was black, but if I moved them to the right half an inch, I saw blue. Blue just like Bucky's eyes.

No. No. I couldn't think of things like that. I shouldn't have before, but definitely not now.

I couldn't have Bucky punished for something that wasn't his fault. With all the girls he'd been with, there was no doubt that he didn't want me. I couldn't kiss him and risk getting caught just because I had feelings.

I was lying in bed when Bucky stripped his clothes and lied on his own. He was only in his briefs; it made me angry even though I was wearing the same thing. It was different when he did it because I felt differently about him. He didn't know that and he never could, which is why I needed to say I leaned in on accident. It was spur of the moment, and I'm tired.

"Bucky, I'm sorry about what happened outside," I said. "It was just spur of the moment and I didn't realize what was happening until we heard the noise. I'm just so tired, and," I sighed, "I'm sorry."

He didn't reply, but I could hear his breathing, so at least he was alive. I looked over at him. He was still wide awake, staring at the top of the tent. I felt something inside me sink. I knew he didn't feel the same way, but a part of me had still hoped he returned the feeling. I turned on my side, so now my back was to him.

I heard him chuckle lightly, but it sounded forced. I was probably just imagining it, though. A part of me still stupidly hoped he'd say he wanted to kiss me. But what he said was the exact opposite, and made me sink even farther inside.

"So, Peggy Carter, huh?"

I squeezed my eyes shut before laughing and opening them. "Yeah, she's great."

"I'm glad you finally got yourself a dame, Steve. You deserve it, and she seems like a good one," he said sincerely. His words hurt so much more; if he wanted to be with me, he wouldn't sound so genuine.

"Thank," I cleared my throat, "thanks, Buck."

"She sounds like she's just what you've always wanted."

I didn't reply, because all I wanted to do was tell him that he's all I've ever wanted.

"Autumn's here," I heard Clint yell.

I looked down. I hadn't changed, so lost in my memory. I missed Bucky so much, but if he wanted to be around me, he'd find me. We were always on the news; if Jemma had done it all the years ago, they could do it again. I wonder if she'd known he'd been alive then.

I shook my head as I pulled a white t-shirt out of my drawer. I needed to stop thinking about the Barnes' twins. That was a thing of the past, and that's where it needed to stay.

When I finally went downstairs, I heard Amara's laugh and immediately smiled. She was the cutest baby I'd ever seen. The rest of the team was crowded around her with Autumn in the middle. When she heard me, she looked up.

I smiled and greeted her, "Hey, Autumn. How's it been?"

"Great." She looked down at Amara. "Mar's actually learning how to sit up by herself!"

The team created a gap, so I could squeeze in, too. "Hey, baby," I put my hand on her head.

She giggled again when she saw me, putting her arms up. I immediately grabbed her, putting her on my chest. Autumn giggled lightly. "I actually talked to the doctor about her reaching last time. He told me she started a bit earlier than most."

"Really?" I rubbed my thumb on Amara's stomach, which was covered with a pink onesie.

"Alright, we'll leave you guys alone," Thor patted my back on his way out. The rest of the team trickled out after him, but Natasha stayed.

"Autumn, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?"

I sighed. Of course Natasha was going to ask that.

Autumn laughed lightly. She'd been laughing a lot more lately, and I was glad she was finally happy. "I'm 23, but why?" I expected her to be a lot younger actually, but that was still a big age difference.

Nat shrugged, "No reason really. Just curious."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes when she walked out. Autumn came to stand beside me, so now we were looking at Amara. "She's getting so big now. It's crazy."

Autumn nodded, then put her hand on my arm. "Thank you, Steve. For helping me last year, and for sticking around the whole time."

I nodded and smiled. "Of course. You guys are practically my family now. Besides, Amara's too cute for me to back out now." Autumn laughed along. I nudged her with my elbow and said, "And just so you know, I'd stick around even if you didn't have Amara."

She stopped laughing. "Really?"

"Yeah." I sat on the couch with Amara, placing her between me and her mom. She was lying on her back, and I put my arm beside her so she couldn't roll off. "I've been thinking, and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go grab dinner sometime? Just us?" My skills for asking a girl something like this had never been the best. Just because I was big now didn't make rejection any less terrifying.

"I'd love to, Steve."

So for the first time, I thought that maybe everything really would be okay without the Barnes siblings being around.

Jemma's Perspective:

It'd been a year since we found out that Steve had a new lover. Bucky hadn't really been happy before, but he definitely wasn't now.

If he remembered something, he'd just write it down. If it involved me, or he thought I should know, he'd hand me the notebook open to the page. He hardly ever talked, and when we went out to get food, he never looked at the screens.

I realized too late that I shouldn't have even told him. It wasn't necessary for him to know, and now I had ruined everything. I didn't ever mention it, but even if I told him about memories, he'd get sad. I wish I could find someone for him to love instead, but we couldn't trust anyone. And it was all my fault.

I was the one who got us in this mess. I should be the one who gets us out.

"Hey! That's my milkshake!" Steve pouted when Bucky pulled the shake out of his hands.

I just laughed and shook my head. Bucky had worked extra shifts just so we could buy milkshakes. He acted like we didn't have the money to spend, but Ma just didn't want us to waste money on treats. We had to earn them.

Bucky shrugged, raising the straw to his lips. Steve lunged for him, but Bucky just raised it above their heads. "Stevie, no."

Steve crossed his arms. "Fine. Then you're not my best friend anymore." He stormed ahead. I knew he was kidding, but by the way Bucky's face fell, I'm not sure he did. Bucky let his arm drop as he walked faster to catch up with him.

"Steve, no. I was kidding," Bucky said.

I jogged until I was beside Steve. Bucky was on his other side. Steve didn't reply, but I saw his upper lip twitch; he was resisting a smile.

Bucky sounded desperate when he said, "Please Steve. I'm sorry." He touched Steve's arm and stopped walking. Now we were all just standing there. Bucky lifted the milkshake back toward Steve. "Here ya go. I'm sorry, Steve."

Steve shrugged and took the milkshake. "Don't care, Buck." I knew he was kidding, but Bucky still looked upset. Even though he was sad, his eyes were still bright as he looked at Steve.

"Steve, please. I'll do anything."

Steve smirked, "Anything?"

I bit my lip to suppress my grin. Steve was pulling Bucky into his trap, and Bucky didn't even care. Bucky nodded enthusiastically. "I'll do anything you want."

Steve tilted his head, thinking. "If you get me another milkshake, you'll be my best friend again."

Bucky beamed. "Really?!"

"And if you let me stay at your house the whole weekend, you can be my bestest friend in the whole world!"

I cut in, "Steve, you can't-"

Bucky nodded. "Of course you can!' He hugged Steve tightly, causing me to smile. Steve really wasn't supposed to stay; friends were only supposed to stay one night. Steve knew that, and so did Bucky. But they didn't really think things through when it came to the other.

Steve winked at me over Bucky's shoulder before pulling away. That's when I did laugh, but only softly; Bucky was too into staring at Steve to understand. "Thanks, Buck."

Bucky tilted his head. "So, you aren't mad?"

Steve shook his head, "'Course not, Buck."

Bucky smiled and nodded. "Good." Then he smirked and asked, "So, I'm your bestest friend in the whole world?"

Steve smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

Bucky grinned. "Good."

I looked at the sky; I could see the sun setting. The sky was orange and pink. "Hey guys. We gotta go home."

Bucky flinched, jumping away from Steve. He straightened as soon as his feet touched the ground, then he ran a hand through his hair. "I forgot you were here, Jemma. You scared me."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, don't I feel special."

Bucky shrugged, "Too busy with my bestest friend in the whole wide world."

I smiled at the table. Couldn't things go back to normal if we found Steve again? Or was Bucky right? Maybe we didn't deserve to be happy, but I missed Steve. It was obvious Bucky did, too. That's who he'd always known. They were best friends. Best friends that were in love, but now they were strangers. You can't let someone who's that important to you go.

But what if we didn't have a choice?


	12. Dates

Steve's Perspective:

Autumn left Amara with her mom while we went on our date. The team had offered to watch her, but Amara didn't know them as well, so we didn't want her to freak out.

Autumn showed up at 7:03. Our reservation was for 7:15, which gave us plenty of time. I'd never actually been on a date, so I was shaking when I opened the cab door for her. We were going to The Nomad Restaurant. Tony recommended it; though he wasn't always trustworthy, he'd been on a lot of dates there. It was worth a shot, and if it was bad, Autumn would understand that Tony recommended it. 

It didn't seem too fancy, so we dressed semi-casual. Autumn was wearing a thin, white long sleeved-shirt that hung off her shoulders. I assumed there was a name for it, but I didn't ask. I didn't want to sound stupid. With her shirt, she was wearing a yellow skirt with small flowers on it.

A sliver of her stomach showed, and her skirt only fell to the middle of her thigh. Even though she just had a baby, she was in great shape. She'd gained back the weight she had lost while held hostage, and was now perfectly healthy. Luckily, Amara had been born healthy as well; she even had the cutest thigh rolls. A part of me judged Autumn's outfit, though; I tried not to, but that's what I'd always known. She never would have been taken seriously when I was a kid. But that's what people wore now; it was better to adapt than to judge.

Her hair was down, but curled. She also had mascara and lipstick on her face. Her nails were long and painted yellow; the ring fingers had flowers painted on them. She was also wearing boots that made her almost as tall as I was.

She looked gorgeous compared to me, but that's how my life's always been, so it didn't bother me. I could feel my thoughts drifting to the Barnes twins again. Jemma and Bucky always told me not to think so low of myself, but how could I not? Being a nice guy wasn't enough, even though they always claimed it was.

Autumn bumped her knee against mine. We were at the restaurant now, so she was sitting across from me. I had pulled her chair out for her, of course, before sitting on my own. When I looked up at her, she smiled. "Penny for your thoughts."

I smiled back. "Just thinking about how crazy this all is. It wasn't too long ago that I was riding in an ambulance with you, and now we're on a date," I said.

She grabbed my hand, causing me to look down at it. Bucky had always measured our hands against each other (mine were always smaller, before the war). No. I couldn't think about him, not anymore. "Yeah, I understand. I'm glad we're going on a date."

"Me, too," I lied. I shouldn't have asked her on a date.

That night, a cab took us home. I walked Autumn to the door after telling the driver to give me just a minute.

"This was fun," I said.

Autumn smiled and nodded. Then she tilted her head, "Maybe we could do it again sometime? Something more... casual."

I nodded in agreement, then she stood on her toes and put her hands on my shoulder. When she closed her eyes, I knew she was expecting a kiss. Isn't that how date nights were supposed to end? So, I leaned in.

When our lips touched, I realized that it didn't feel like Bucky's had that time in our New York apartment. There was no desire to go farther, there was no struggle to hold my happiness in. There were no real feelings. I jumped away from her.

Autumn was nice, she really was. And of course she was pretty. I wouldn't lie and say she didn't look good in that dress. But just because I wanted to like her, didn't mean I actually did. I sighed and looked at the ground. "Autumn, listen. I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything, but I... Well, I'm not sure if I'd like another date. You're amazing, but I think we're better off as friends. I'm still in love with someone else, and I thought I could move on, but I don't think I really can."

Autumn laughed, making me look up. I didn't know much about girls, but I didn't think they were supposed to laugh when you didn't like them back. She shook her head. "It's okay, Steve. I get it. I'm still in love with Amara's dad, honestly. I think we're great as friends, and you're an amazing guy for telling me now and not later." She touched my arm lightly, "And go after that girl," I flinched, but she ignored it, "you're in love with. She'd be lucky to have you."

I smiled. "Thanks, Autumn. Let your mom know I said hi, and kiss Amara for me."

She hugged me. "Of course."

I walked down her stairs and back into the cab while she stepped inside. I told him where to take me, then I went silent. 

Autumn had automatically assumed I was talking about a girl. I realized that it was still the normal. I guess that sort of made sense, because more people were straight then homosexual, but she shouldn't assume that. Then I realized that just because most people accepted it, didn't mean it was okay for everyone to like the same gender. And maybe it wouldn't be okay for a hero to be...

When I got back to the tower, everyone surrounded me. 

"What happened?"

"Did you kiss?"

"Are you going on another date?"

I shook my head. "We're just going to stay friends."

Natasha threw her hands up, "What? Why?!"

I shrugged. "I just think it's better. I don't like her as much as I thought I did."

Natasha glared. "It better have been a good date."

I nodded. "It was. I was polite to her, did everything I was supposed to." Then I pointed to my room. "So now I'm going to my room." On my way to the room, I thought about the date. 

I had given Autumn a good date, right?

"Hey, Buck?"

Bucky was laying on my legs while I drew in my sketchbook. His eyes were closed as he grunted, "Mhm?"

"How exactly- Well, what are you supposed to do on a date?"

Bucky shrugged. "I think you're supposed to walk them to the door. You gotta pull their chairs out for them, hold the doors open, let them order first. You just gotta be polite. Take her to a nice restaurant, talk to her about things she likes, definitely complement her, then take her home. Give her a small kiss, and you're in." Then he opened his eyes and chuckled. "Though it hasn't worked for me yet."

I stopped drawing to look at him. He sounded sad, but his eyes were bright with happiness. I smiled softly, then rolled my eyes. "C'mon, Buck. We both know those girls would've given you another date. You're the one who tells them you don't want one," I said.

He scoffed and shook his head. "Stevie, Stevie, Stevie. I'm waiting for the right one."

"How could you know if they're the right one if you never even see them again."

He lifted his head off my lap, sitting down to look at me. "Do you believe in love?"

I remembered the way Ma had always looked at Dad, how Bucky's parents looked at each other. I nodded, replying with, "Yeah, of course."

Bucky smiled. "Me, too. And I think love is something you know from the beginning. I think when it's the person you really love, you'll know the second you see them. You might not realize it, but when you do, you know that it's always been them. They're the person who means the most to you. You don't care if they're saying something you don't like because they're talking to you, and their voice sounds magical. You want to hear it all day, but you're also okay with not talking at all. It's enough to just be sitting in silence, as long as they're there with you. 

All you want is their happiness. You want them to smile, to laugh, to be happy. And you want to be the reason they're happy. You want to be the only one who makes them laugh so hard they can't breathe, you want to be the only one who makes them smile so much their cheeks hurt. And you want that for them because that's how they make you feel.

And I think that whoever you love is the most attractive person you'll ever see. Except maybe they aren't even attractive. A part of you knows that if they were just someone on the street, you wouldn't give them another glance. But they're not just someone on the street; they're your someone. And they're attractive to you because all you see when you look at them is love, love, love.

And eventually, all you see is their personality. You see the good stuff, like when they make you breakfast or let you sleep in. You see how they tell a joke and don't smile until you laugh. You see how their eyes brighten when they look at you. You see that they never give up, that they love with all of the love they have, that they'd do anything to see good in the world. But you'll see the 'bad' stuff, too. You'll see how they never make the bed, and how their clothes never fit. You'll see all the gross scars they don't try to hide, and the anger they suddenly get over small things.

And the best part is that you'll still love them."

All I said was, "That's the most serious thing you've ever said."

And all I thought was, "I love you. I'm in love with you. I'm so, so in love with you."

I sighed into my pillow. The world was horrible. So, so horrible. And I wanted to give up already. It was far past my time, but I couldn't let go. Not now.

Bucky was okay. Or maybe he wasn't. But he was alive. My Bucky was still alive, and some part of him had remembered me. Some part of him had known me enough to save me. I had helped him find himself again.

Maybe he wouldn't be back to normal. Maybe Jemma and he would never truly remember the past. But they were alive, and that's all that mattered. I had broken through Hydra, and I had gotten to his head. I had helped. And maybe that would be enough for them.

Jemma's Perspective:

Bucky finally talked to me today.

He hugged me (with only his flesh arm). Then beside my ear, he said, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I understand," I told him. He smiled once he pulled away. The smile dropped almost immediately. I realized then how dark his eyelashes looked when he cried. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Bucky fell to the floor. "I really miss Steve."

The only thing I could say was, "I know, Bucky."

Bucky looked at his notebook. "Some- sometimes, I have nightmares. I wrote them down, but I know they're not memories. They're horrible."

"About anything specifically?"

Bucky put his hands against his eyes. "Steve is in-" he hiccuped. "Steve's the one in the chair, and I- I have to watch, but I can't d- d- do anything about it. And it's so much worse than any of the other nightmares because I love him so much. And I lost him before I could tell him. And now it's too late, and it- it doesn't matter because I don't deserve him."

I sat down beside him. "They're not real. They're never going to be real. You don't have to worry about that. And I know we don't deserve him, but we really never have. But at least he still loves us, right?"

Bucky shook his head. "He has- he has that new girl, and I don't think she's ever murdered people. And he- he just doesn't. He doesn't."

I grabbed Bucky's face, staring into his red, puffy eyes. "He saved us, Bucky. He didn't want to kill us then, and he doesn't now. He was going to let us kill him because he didn't want to hurt us. That's gotta mean something, right?"

"We deserved to die," he sneered.

I nodded. "I know. Believe me, I know. I've done worse things than you. But Steve still loves us. That's all we need, it's all we've ever needed. He kept us alive, so we can't keep hating ourselves. Okay?"

Bucky wiped his face. "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I hope you all loved it!  
> Continue the series with book 4!  
> Lots of Love,  
> xx


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